Because He lives

Your ways, God, are holy

2012-02-03T11:12:00.001-08:00

As I sat very distracted today from the pain…. from the burn of the rash of my flesh, I immediately new my heart needed quieting. I tried praying…praying by myself, praying with my Hubby, and I even asked a girlfriend to pray for me thru out the day, but I still needed to get something …something I just wasn’t picking up on to taste that quieting. Why was this upsetting me so much I wondered? This wasn’t new. I live in pain most days, why today was the tolerance at such limitation? I slowly began to realize, it was life…it was going on, moving quickly, changing, arranging, and being present when I just felt so absent. It was going on around me just as it did every single day and this situation was not going to prevent it from it’s routine and so I had to remind myself not to take it for granted, not to be disappointed by it, but to gain from it’s training….I needed to remember this circumstance was a wonderful time of commune with my God. Then I prayed again...this time... TRULY praying to my God, really feeling our sole communication,the bond that came from only He and I experiencing what I was going thru this very day...only He and I...what a gift to have that intimate time with my Daddy. No one. nothing, none of it, could understand me in that moment accept for my God Father and that is okay in fact that is amazing, He is all powerful...whom else would you want to know you better than any other. Why not use this time to let Him fully and completely and lovingly quiet my heart thru His word and prayer. It seemed so elementary when placed in simplistic language form, but when you are distracted that often requires your digging down deep, & truly getting out of His way fully…. letting Him be your comfort. I get that this day. In all actuality I couldn't sustain if not for getting that this day…. I am so thankful He is holding me. The situation is still the same and life is still moving ever so presently, BUT... in this hour... I feel Hope,; I feel peace. I feel His strength and I choose to meditate on His working, not the weakness of my Flesh, but the POWER of my God…He is working and He is always working! So instead of envying those in THIS world, instead of just existing in THIS world, pretending in THIS world, by my God’s design, I choose to see past THIS World, past the pain …and draw nearer to the Father from it…I choose life. He is Able! Hang tough dear friends...He is able.

Psalm 77:
1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.
3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.[b]
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

13 Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

16 The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

The Heart of A Child

2012-01-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Was online most of the morning researching my congenital heart defect which, in less scarier terminology, is more specifically labeled a PFO. Had been undergoing a lot of symptoms that elude to the fact that I might need to peruse closure of it more aggressively instead of continuing with aspirin therapy to treat it. And so we've been at a cross road the last several weeks in regard to making a decision. With that said as I usually do with most things... been researching and looking into other people who seem to have complications from this condition as well and been trying to digest it all rather intensely.

My oldest who is eleven came in while I was deeply involved in a video on the procedure and asked me innocently why I was watching the footage. I informed my little one that Momma was looking into her heart condition to try to understand things better. At that time my Precious Jules proceeded to explain some things to me and very matter of factually I might add. I thought I'd share the memory on here with all of you. My eleven year old said "Mommy, why are you watching all of that, it's just making you sad. Don't be sad Mommy. If God wants you to live (reaching down and touching my chin) you WILL LIVE MOMMY (what a powerful proclamation...then continued...) I can't explain what I mean and I know I sound like I'm not making sense with my words, but what I'm trying to say is He knows you have a husband and Children, you will live, if it's His will of course.....try not to be so sad."

?????

Did this enlightenment just pour out of the incredible creature I was blessed to birth? Did my child really share with such Faith and wisdom at eleven the power of her God with me?.... In that moment I just bawled and little on held me in arm. What a gift and what a beautiful reminder for me to hang on, to trust, to know God is with me thru all of it. I thank Him for my amazing Precious Jules and this moment we shared by ourselves, just us two together. Parent and child as it is with this situation with me and God and my health...the two of us dealing with it together. My Parent/My God.

Matthew 18 GWT: 3 Then he said to them, "I can guarantee this truth: Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Whoever becomes like this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5And whoever welcomes a child like this in my name welcomes me. 6"These little ones believe in me.

Just Love while you here, while you're able....

2012-01-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

People try to come up with a recipe for Love, so many books, so many songs,so many seminars, so many movies. At the end of the day the answer is centering Love with God. I have rode thru many storms the last 19 years with an amazing friend, one who like myself, found God at a time when we could have lost what Love really is. We are blessed to know Him together; to have raised our beautiful Jules in Him together, and to ride together. Ride or Die I always tell him...plan to do that until we can't any more. We try our best to send each other notes thru out the week, reminders of the Love God has blessed us with. I pray my words might one day be a glimpse to Him concerning what I feel for God blessing me with my Sweetheart (meeting your spouses needs when they are healthy is tough, takes a lot of work and that makes you wonderful...meeting your spouses needs when they have chronic illness...is tougher and that makes you a miracle from the Lord)....I love my miracle from God.

My Note To Hubby:

I am so truly thankful for you. I love you. Sometimes my mind is
full of a deep sadness and God uses you to remind me to remember His
love for me. I thank you for being my companion on life's journey. No
one on this earth in this life time has ever cared for me more than you
and I am so blessed to have experienced that before going home to the
Father. I am so thankful we rode thru storms together my love.

Love you always and several days more,
GPJ

I'd write His response back but he'd get me good for publishing his sweet words...they are meant for my eyes and God's eyes alone and that's okay with me. :)

Stay strong friends, God is generous and amazing. He is Rich with Love and desires to show us it each and everyday no matter what form.

-GPJ

Psalm 124 Reflection

2011-10-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

I am truly blessed to have risen to a new day and I pray I may show that appreciation by not just words but in action....Reflecting back I wouldn't change a thing about this last year. No matter the physical challenges or health setbacks God kept me safe and I felt His nearness at all times. He remains and will remain Faithful. I appreciate His loving Children showing me His Joy thru their comforting prayers, use of His Wisdom, and Love thru deeds. May God continue to bless their hands and feet richly. Blessed Be the Lord.

Here's my Scriptural Reflection for not this day but every day:

(NLT) Psalm 124: 1What if the LORD had not been on our side?
Let all Israel repeat:
2What if the LORD had not been on our side
when people attacked us?
3They would have swallowed us alive
in their burning anger.
4The waters would have engulfed us;
a torrent would have overwhelmed us.
5Yes, the raging waters of their fury
would have overwhelmed our very lives.
6Praise the LORD,
who did not let their teeth tear us apart!
7We escaped like a bird from a hunter’s trap.
The trap is broken, and we are free!
8Our help is from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

more precious than gold

2011-07-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been 8 months since the confusion started with my health. It feels like yesterday, but I marvel at the Lord sustaining me so readily and so mightily thru this trial regardless of the storm. It has truly been a lesson in the power of remaining in Faith towards Him. There were times when I felt I could have gone mad mentally from the questions, set backs, and lack of answers yet thru His might I am gaining more and more clarity each day. So here we are today several emergency room visits, three cardiologist, three medical doctors, two neurologist and one Fixed and capable God later I now know more of what has been going on and what might have potentially triggered the TIA back in the winter of 2011.

My husband and I are now with a very wonderful team of fresher faces that are trying to get to the bottom of my blood pressure crisis, chest pain, speech issues, and migraine frequency. And after multiple tests, lots of blood work, and bouts with exhaustion the latest finding is a missed PFO. This is great to finally know about it but it was hard to believe it went undetected so long since I had a heart murmur most of my childhood and was born with a hole in the lung. However, the more I learn about the connection between PFO and chronic migraines the more I realize it is the grace of God that allowed the connections to be formed at all.

Right now they are running several more test to verify the BP crisis have not been the result of the body dealing with any other form of disease, but the good news is if necessary the latest Dr. I am seeing will attempt closure of the hole if it comes down to it. That will hopefully alleviate some of the forms of pain I have been in. But he is being careful and proceeding slowly. Since I developed heart disease at a fairly young age, he is not interested in touching the heart muscle until some other things come to light. So I am taking it day to day.

As is the case with many people who have PFO's that are not extremely large they have started aspirin therapy in addition to my other drug therapies. I have noted improvements in my cholesterol numbers and pressure issues and have even found the frequency of the head pain to have slowed a bit. All things I cannot express how thankful to God I am about. So here I stand waiting, working on trusting, and appreciative. Recognizing more and more what is truly important in life and that is preparation for the life that is eternal. My husband and children have been an amazing support system thru out this nightmare and I could not have come this far without their love, support, and strength. God has been so good to me for giving me these precious Jules.

Be strong all, be courageous, this life is temporary there is something better for those who have Faith. There's something wonderful if we continue to cling to the Father. Praying for you friends!

1 Peter 1: 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Taking another break....

2011-05-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

Many of us blog to encourage & or share various parts of our lives we wouldn't other wise have been able to share with people. Away to show we care for one another. I appreciate all of the people I've gotten to know or gotten to know better via this avenue.

Unfortunately, I am no longer able to participate in all of that regularly anymore. I have some medical issues that need attention (I know God is working) and so I wont be blogging for awhile.

Try to remember GOd's love. I share my story because I know how illness can make you feel isolation, but God removes the sadness that comes from chronic pain when we turn to Him. God is a good loving God who allowed His son to die for our sins so that we can have a chance at new life. What a blessing it is that in order to experiences that newness He shows us the wonderful way. All we have to do is choose to accept it. We just need to reach out and grab hold of this gift by confessing Jesus as Lord, repenting of our sins, and being Baptized as we learn to walk in His ways by continually readying ourselves with His scriptures.(1Corinthians 15:1-4 and Acts 2:38.) That is my comfort, may you allow yourself to feel that same comfort too by taking Him up on His offer.

So here's my last shout out on here for just awhile,I hope,smile. Happy Anniversary to one of the best people I've ever known...it's been wonderful experiencing unimaginable blessings with you regardless of the storms. I am thankful for our God and our marriage. Love and blessing to all!

Again may I refer to this scripture.... Ephesians 3:20 (GOD’S WORD Translation)
3:20 Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine

Love,
GPJ

...and your postive I'm not dreaming.

2011-05-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

Here’s something I wrote as I’ve struggled the last 24 hours with processing the information I was given when I got a call from my cardiac nurse yesterday. She's amazing, but I kept feeling like, "Are you sure you meant me? maybe that's the wrong test results your looking at." ;-) As much as I was thankful someone finally had some news for me, I couldn't help wanting to ask..."and your positive I'm not dreaming?" Here's what I wrote to help negate my fears over the matter....

"The succor of Christ fades all apprehension away and the Glory of the image is made luminous; emotion's distortion no longer hides the truth of it's Light...Spirtual eyes take note and view for yourself...behold...'tis The Predominate Hand of God" -Given Precious Jules

See over the last several months as pain, discomfort, and health issues started to magnify, after pressure spikes, and hospitalizations I was growing tired, but praise God we are now finally getting some clarity. We've even been learning the last several days that quite a few signals were potentially life threatening and just how much it was the Hand of God that was guiding things is incredible. I am so thankful for all the hidden ways God had orchestrated this last exposure.

After suffering the blow that I was not with the right general MD a few months back I started asking my neuro for help because I felt bombarded with everything. No one could put their finger on what was going on. So she agreed with me about moving on to find a new doctor, but recommended that I find a cardiologist in the meanwhile if nothing else because my pressure was doing so poorly. During this same time frame my husband just happen to be wrapping up some cardiologist appointments because of a fluke on his routine ekg and so I decided to try the same cardiologist.

Praise God all his test went well for Him. We started to realize the ekg was not a fluke after all, rather it was the hand of God exposing and working out things for me. We could now grasp it was God that lead me to this doctor and that it was actually to help provide the right care for me. To think if not for my husband's doctor sending him to a specialist, if not for me declinging to continue working with my general MD, and if not for talking to my neurologist....I would have never learned I had some things going on with one of my carotid arteries. If not for them deciding to think out of the box and run one non standard test because of my symptoms,I’d probably still be living in the ignorance. Wow, God is so generous.

Don’t get me wrong, I was blessed to be getting routine blood work over the years and the last ten years I’ve been blessed to have regular MRI's of the head for my chronic migraines, but only this doctor thought to ignore my age and check the carotid artery. I am certain it was only God who led him to do that. How amazing it is to realize God has been watching over me despite the months of confusion. This explains much of the increase in speech, memory, and visual issues that no one else had been able to put their finger on.

{Because migraine is such a terrible disease that induces many of the same symptoms of other disease not too many people (accept my neuro) thought much of what has been happening with me over the last several months. I did try sharing things were intensifying, but I guess I didn't push hard enough and that is the danger of chronically suffering from this disease. At times many of us are not understood when we feel it might be something else going on because it seems like the same old experience. Please know what ever your suffering with you have the right to ask for testing and follow up. Don't be paranoid, but don't let anyone make you feel crazy either. You are your best advocate for your body...but anyway rant over...God is amazing.}

So now we wait, I have one more important test and all we can do is pray and hope for good news with it. ((SIGH))...this is indeed happening... however, the good news is this isn't news to God. As my girlfriend mentioned to me through the sadness, He's always been in charge of what's happening. I'll need to trust because if He has been working so mightily in the silence how much more now that things are layed out in the open for me. All in all this has been transforming.

I don’t plan on going anywhere,may that be His will, but I am more willing to recognize these bodies are not meant to be lasting…. life is fragile and whatever our road we have to prepare for the after. I am not playing a game, I want to sit at His feet one day. If I want that then I'll have to cling to Him learning to let go of the fears that try ensnaring me....though it's okay to feel fear He doesn't want us living there in it. Let's trust Him, know Him, understand that even when our eyes are not fully aware of all that He is working or all the danger He is working through… may we just know He is working...always working… And as we wait on His work, His glorious will to be done, may we draw near the Father. He can and will take the fear away for the believer:

"1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment...19 We love because he first loved us." (ESV)

Let it Be

2011-04-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Today was long, very, very long, but you know it’s not even a blink compared to my future time sitting at the Father’s feet. Gotta keep perspective....

Okay so here is where we’re at right now; this last two weeks we got some promising news concerning my newest meds. They seem to be helping multiple ailments and my BP is finally stable for the first time in three long months. Unfortunately, I need to add an additional med for something else and so I am praying along with that won’t come additional side effects. I am going to stay hopeful. In the end I have to do what is helpful to our family as a whole.

Praise God my speech has really been improving, although it hasn’t been clear to the Neuro yet whether it is migraine related or something else, she is working so very diligently with me. I am so thankful for her. She is one of my few consistent Doctors in my treatment that listens to me the person, not me “one of many” patients she sees. That is rare. And I worship with a wonderful group of people that have really been handing this over for me to the Lord. I truly can see the difference in my memory and speech issues. I am not transposing words as much anymore and I am not having as much memory or vision problems as I have been the last couple of weeks. …So I’m encouraged.

However, of course you know that does not mean there’s not plenty going on right? Smile. Right as I finally start accepting that it is the Lord's wheel for me to be home for a while and started absorbing the fact that I am going to try to home school again, my ex-boss lets me know I always have a place at her school if I want to come back. Then the following day I get a phone call for another interview at a School closer to my home one I had been praying about for months before I got very ill. Ugh!! Though my mind should have seen these options as blessings I immediately felt shame, and disappointment that I can't physically do that in this hour. But my loving Husband reminded me all will work itself out thru God's mighty hands, let me share....

My best friend gave me the most wonderful advice today when I was anxiously trying to wake Jesus during the storm…He said, “Let it be, if this is a blessing from God and this timing won’t allow for you to reach out and grab it right now, just let it be. If it is truly from God it will be there when it is meant to be picked up by you; God is control.” ...I love falling in Love with my husband! :-)

Trouble in My Way.....

2011-03-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

He will after while...I know He will. If He fixed it for the Israelites as they traveled the Exodus out of Egypt, or for Enoch who was taken before he experienced death, or for Abraham when he tested His Faith by telling Him to sacrifice His son & decided to give Him another choice, or for Job when he lost mostly everything compounded by illness then blessed him later with even more...then I know He will fix it for me after while. So thankful to the Father who lends all hope. The thickness of the walls of trials that are surrounding us right now my direct family so many I know and love outside of that family has been difficult to break trhough, However, My God is bigger and better and stronger than any wall of this fles. I know he will fix it after while. It might not even be in this Life, but this World is not my home anyway, can't wait for Glory land!

I was encouraged to really think about the song Trouble in My Way/"Jesus Will Fix It" when a brother in Christ started incorporating the life stories of people from the bible and their deliverances by God into his singing of this song in a similar way to in which the Lord does in Hebrews 11. Reading through Hebrews 11 and also reflecting on the life of Job was such a source of encouragement to me in this refreshed light. God's word is such a mighty reminder that He truly does have us. (Thanks Bro.Turner, you have encouraged me deeply)

Hebrews 11:13..."All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing he for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

God is a good God!

LOVE

2011-03-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

The Love of my life was once a strong armed carpenter that healed others, he had legs that could walk across lakes, and eyes that even wept for those he loved, but what drew me to Him out of all the many beautiful things there are to list about Him were the nail marks in his hands....I'm so thankful for His love.

Drawn towards the Light

2011-03-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

Did you realize that even when the eyelid is shut the human eye detects a light source & more times than not will gradually cause the head to pull in it's direction. The light affects & impacts the site regardless of the lid covering over it. I want to always strongly seek out the Source of all light from deep within the retina of my soul regardless of my flesh, which stands as it's lid covering. Allowing Him to impact me & shift me towards him always, Jesus, who is Lord...1 John 1:6-8 (NIV) If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

Love and Blessings!

God won't allow me anything HE can't handle!

2011-02-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

In light of all the brethren and loved ones I know suffering such tremendously painful, serious, and life changing trials I’ve been thinking more and more about the Father’s awesomeness. God’s power it’s so amazing. He’s always working in spite of these difficulties in hopes that we might allow them to draw us closer to Him. Isn’t that wonderful, our Hope in Him? One day if we never allow our Hand to slip His grip we will dwell with Him in the absence of all of these physical limitations.

But again that will require our clinging to His power. Think about the phrase "God won't allow us anything we can't handle.” Does this really allow us to do that? This can be a very misleading phrase, yet haven't many of us used this phrase or heard it at some point or another in our lives. I myself have used it without fully considering its value. And that’s the danger in just accepting something based on feeling good about it, it must accurately reflect God’s word.

Why is it shared? Often a person will extend it to themselves or to others in hopes that it offers the hearer a sense of empowerment during trials or as a sort of bridge backs from depth of the difficulty or for many it’s just traditionally been passed along for us to consider the voice of reason when feeling weary, but the truth is‎... Of course God allows things we can't handle.... that’s the point of it all, relying on Him. We need His strength and his alone in the midst of the suffering.

His power alone can bring us back and thru anything. I think where we can go wrong is even believing we are doing any of the "handling' in the first place. We don't handle anything outside of Him. Let us not be mistaken, even for the times in life where the cross carrying seems lighter or in the lives of those who choose not to love Him the way He loves His creation, He’s still right there…. working… and remaining on His thrown mightily handling all of it. It's our choice whether we reap the fruit of His mercies and the benefit of allowing these things to bring us near to Him. And the more the Word of God reminds me of this the more my soul is strengthened as my flesh is stirred by it's physical short comings; strengthened by His power. So I’m considering more and more as I wait to be called home this, “God won't allow us anything HE can't handle!” and more importantly when I need the reminder of the assurance of this as I wait in Him I read of it in His beautiful Holy Word ;-)…

‎2 Corinthians 1:8 8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who RAISES THE DEAD. 10 He has DELIVERED us from such a deadly peril, and he will DELIVER US AGAIN. On him we have set our hope that HE WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER US.

God loves us, as the song sings, 'be strong and courageous. The Lord goes with you each and every day! He'll never forsake you!'

Love and Blessing!

Repeat, but still relevant....

2011-02-18T13:54:00.000-08:00

In light of the news footage that went out concerning the poor reporter who suffered a debiltating migraine during a live cast and began to have speech disturbances,I wanted to repost this writing from over a year ago. Sorry for the repeat, I simply think it is important for us to get to the bottom of this disease and exposure often prompts that. I hope that her story and my sharing from the mind of what's going on inside the person having the attack can spur us to keep fighting to find a cure. We need to continue looking for the source of what triggers this neurological condition. Find the answers to questions like "What seperates this from a simpler head pain nerve signal?", "Why are these impulses raging in the brain of the sufferer?" and "How can we get them to withdraw,as we grow in our understanding that this illness is more than a headache?"...till then here is my poem again, thanks for reading:

I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck can no longer support the weight of it all. That always sounds the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.

I tried bracing myself, but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling. My brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much. So here I am mumbling, mispronouncing, and interchanging words, letting out groans and moans in hopes that I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again. Praying I'm letting them know I'm in here and yes, I am still holding on to the fight I have inside of me.

But there's more....Uh-oh I think to myself, "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was just there a minute ago” and I wonder how long it will take this time to locate it. So I do as I usually do as if it will bring back it's vision sucessfully and start fumbling around my eye socket for it. Searching for it, just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark waiting till my fingers reach brings it back to me. The vision from it cuts in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters who sees stars appear once they've been hit over the head with something heavy. However this "hit" over the head lacks such simplistic humor and I am more than sure it will take much longer to recover from it.

I am surrounded by help, but I can't even notice anyone else in the room with me. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion. I try to smile because I long to comfort them as they watch things unravel but I can't for long because I need to concentrate. I must try to focus on blocking out all sound so that the it won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. My ears are already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all one sound that doesn't need any blocking. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain.

Somehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial.He reminds me this too will pass.He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.

That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always presenting forth your Love.

Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

God's plan not our own.....

2011-02-04T08:36:00.001-08:00

Yikes! I haven’t written in months. So much has been going on I just haven’t had the opportunity to put thought to pen tip. As always my hope is that by my sharing my life’s journey at least one person will be able to walk away feeling a little less isolated through their trials. Not because anything I have to share is of value, but rather because God in His greatness has created us in such away that those trial can connect us, if we allow them to. They can also teach us to lean that much harder on His power and not our own.

So bottom line is my health is still stinky. I actually had to stop a part time teaching position I had picked up to supplement our income because I had new complications. That was frustrating, but you have to see the good in every roadblock. I truly believe that God directs our steps and so we yielded to Him in this area. I’m not sure what the tomorrow will bring, but there wasn’t going to be much of one if I kept running myself down the way I was doing. It's less stressful to just stay here in the today knowing God is the one working.

I’m learning more and more that it's really about remembering whom the plan belongs to. Not that this is a new epiphany but I have to give everything over to God for it to truly succeed. For a while I was trying to co-write the plan and that’s just not how it works. I'm not saying we shouldn't be organized or work at everything we can to bring God the glory, but when we start thinking anything we are doing holds any weight to what we accomplish oh we are seriously mistaken. I needed to be reminded of that when more health trials started appearing. I needed to trust and believe anything I do or my husband does, or we do together to support this family is accomplished only thru the Father. And when you literally can't support in a particular way for any particular reason, He still will and can do the accomplishing.

So anyhoo, regardless of how short lived the financial support was on my part it was nice having the opportunity to meet new people and talk about God with them…, which is actually of more value than any check, could provide. So I’m still thankful.

Basically, moving out this way has created a lot of new symptoms. My migraines have escalated to visual disturbances and I am now unable to drive a car whenever they become that severe. I’ve also had a wicked battle with asthma the last several months and boy was I shocked by that. Even though I have had it my whole life it was fairly stabilized for most of my time as an adult and then suddenly it showed back up on my doorstep one brisk autumn’s evening with a vengeance. SO I could only wonder who made my Asthma mad? Man I had forgotten how scary and life threatening this disease is. In general if we are able to wake up each day we really need to count the smaller blessing or the ones we think of less frequently like even being able to breath. Someone asked me recently how has this time been and I said, I’d take my migraine attacks on their own any day, that’s how bad it’s been. That person new it must’ve be taxing because they knew my migraines are nothing short of debilitating. However I felt it warranted the description.

I haven’t been hospitalized in years yet the asthma, combined with some terrible BP issues, and my migraines had all put me down swiftly. Lying in that bed with a migraine and feeling like I couldn’t catch any wind inside of me while my pressure raced out of control made me feel complete and utter exhaustion. I felt like I literally could not endure another problem that related to my health and so I became mentally bankrupt at that time from the toll of everything. Good thing is that God never left me. I had such tremendous support from family and friends and more importantly I felt the love of the Lord through his powerful word. I wanted to post a scripture that I’ve been learning to cling to. Despite our trials despite our struggle and disappointments, whether they are physical or financial whether they are emotional or Spiritual if we claim Jesus as Lord, if we obey His gospel through his Death Burial and Resurrection, by repentance and emersion in baptisms water God had this promise for us and so the rest is nothing in comparison of that. (I encourage you to submit your name where you see the word Jacob and Israel appear. It’s amazing to see how personal the scripture becomes when you take it in personally.):

Isaiah 43:1-5
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west

Never forgetting God is the Maker

2010-09-14T09:08:00.001-07:00

Why emotional camouflage? …”Camouflages are emotional subterfuges we devise for ourselves-subterfuges that exact a tremendous toll on everyone involved (including self).” D.L. Carlson M.D. In war it’s used to blend one’s self into one’s surroundings so as not to be detected, but emotionally why would we need to work so hard to hide ourselves from people? It’s unavailing. Protecting our true form from the judgment of others when it’s God’s judgment we should be concerned with is a dangerous game. Don’t play the game; God’s the only one qualified to judge & camouflage is not going to work on Him.

Matthew 10:28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

THIS JUST IN: It's wonderful when you share your thoughts and someone can lend wonderful insight for you.... One of my beautiful Sister's in Christ gave me an awesome insight and a beautiful perspective into why people might take the road of masking their true form to others. See how I was viewing it is that it must be so much work guarding ourselves from others, pretending to be something that we're not. When in fact some people find it more work to reveal their true selves. It can be rather daunting to show who you really are to others and allow for a chance at your mind feeling the shame that comes with needing to be bare before the Lord. What is better for us to recognize is that nothing we are can keep us from God if we are open to transforming in His light. God loved us while we were His enemies, so he is quite aware who we each are and if it didn't stop Him from loving us then we have to trust His love and know if we immerse ourselves in baptism water His son’s blood will cleanse us. He is our Daddy King and his power can make us whole if we get out of His way. So let’s live transparent , allowing for God to clean us here now, in the flesh, so we can one day be with Him in eternity! .

I Won't Apologize for my Joy by:Given Precious Jules

2010-08-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

I'd like to share one of my poems I wrote a while back. In light of me coming to a point in my walk in Christ where I am truly understanding the deeper meaning of these poetic lines, I was able to reflect on it again. Perhaps you can too. Before I do that I'd like to give a little background about my nature. I am the type of person who even if you are treating me poorly, if you ask me to walk a mile with you I will ask you if you'd like me to carry you on my back for most of the way. I am deeply loyal, but I am recognizing more and more that doesn't mean I have to be a doormat for others. Don't get me wrong I will always pray I may be useful to My Lord through any and every form of humility that he allows me to experience while in flesh however, that doesn't mean I have to let your negativity change my joy. I don't have to allow someone else's journey bring down mine. Sometimes people are going to try to crowd out God's light. They might be full of anger, rage, darkness, negativity, frustration and bitterness in their hearts. And so you have to decide at some point if they aren't letting me help, if they don't want my help, if they think they'd do better without my help to just leave them be. Not stop loving them, not stop praying for them, but accept that they have to give it to God just the same way you do. Without God I'd be a wreck and so I wont apologize to anyone for seeing the optimism in blindly trusting Him along the way...

I Won't Apologize for my Joy by:Given Precious Jules

I won't apologize for my sunshine if it somehow bothers you.
Make excuse for my joy, For He rises above the blue.
The way His love for me burns so bright that His lightOver powers the pain
...So strong and filled with hope that it blocks out all the rain.
His joy is blinding, REMINDING (me)...Of all He has to give
and I praise Him for the day He gave me light to live.
Why would I stay sad? Why would I get mad? Why would I behave as if the SON doesn't shine?
If that is what you need to do then go ahead, but let me rejoice in mine.
You might look at me and think, "Why is she so Happy with so much going wrong???
It's because He shines on me, giving my heart it's joyful song.
I won't apologize for my sunshine if it somehow bothers you.
Make excuse for my joy, For He rises above the blue.
He strengthens me more than any other source could.
He let His son die for me when nobody else ever would.
I sing to Him because He beams from deep inside.
I have peace in Him, a kind I just refuse to hide.
Times get hard, but he pushes past the dark clouds that try to creep in.
Shouting, "Hold strong my child trust in me and together we'll win!"
Taking hold of me even when my heart seems gray.
He delivers me, swooping down he saves the day.
So... I won't apologize for my sunshine if it somehow bothers you.
Make excuse for my joy, ...For He rises above the blue

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."- Romans 1:16

Just thinkin out loud...

2010-07-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

Just sitting here havin one of my word pic moments, thought I'd share out loud...perserverance is not just haning in there, but knowing there is something better...

I have this vision bouncing around in my head whenever I am feeling run down. By God's grace it helps encourage me to trust a little more...A train commuter is worried about one thing getting home from work. They don’t fixate on the fact that they’re packed in like sardines, uncomfortable, or even tired. No,they endure it all & prepare. Pushing out the difficulties of the world they fix their minds on the goodness of Home & envision themselves there. Those in Christ... must NEVER loose sight that we haven’t arrived at our final destination. Heaven is worth the commute.

Isaiah 58:13-14…and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, 14 then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.

He's made me bold with strength in my soul...

2010-06-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

Wow, this has been way too long. I miss catching up with other souls who blog and others who journal their lives. Yay to Summer!!!! I’ve been waiting for quite some time for June to come and officially kick of the fun. I still battle with my health during this time however, having extra time with the Hubby and children as a family unit seems to add a kick to empowering me. I could never express in worded form what that does for me. So Lord willing can’t wait to start some family fun. Anyhoo, there's much that has been going on and God has been showing me amazing things.

I am happy to report the children and I have survived their first year in public education. Having home schooled them for four years it was a challenge to the mind and to my flesh to partake on this journey. As a matter of fact sadly God had to pull me kicking and screaming for a lot of the way, but like a good parent He waited for me to abort “Tantrum” mode and do what I was told. To learn to trust He knew what was best for me.

It’s not that Hubby and I were against education outside of the home; our Faith stands outside of the boundaries of educational walls and we continue to try our best to train the children to Love and fear the Lord, but it was more so the fact that my health struggles prevented me from continuing with our goal in this particular area that frustrated me.

I was disappointed that my body wasn’t cooperating with my often-busy mind. See God has gifted me with a very high thresh hole for pain and so when I could no longer perform the task of teaching my children from home a part of me felt defeated and something felt dead inside…. No violins here though, that’s just plain old ugly pride and I am glad the Father is showing me to rely on His power alone. In looking at the last nine months it was difficult but completely transforming. I feel that much closer to Him for it.

So what’s my point, why today’s rambles??? I guess because if your like me your human, and sooner or later something will come a long big or small that will not allow you to rely on yourself fully. Embrace the moment!!! It can draw you closer to God. Let yourself be yoked with Him, it’s so worth it. I am not perfected in this by any means; I just know how satisfying it’s been to know who has me. Matt. 11: 28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, & I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you & learn from me,...you will find rest for your souls.**The word yoke is believed to be derived from P.I.E. Yugam"(yoke),verb "Yeug"(join unite) It's a wooden beam which is used between a pair of oxen to allow them to pull a load (wikipedia defintion). They don’t turn or shift w/o eachother, they work together. Let yourself be yoked with Him…It might ache a little, but it's always good to be brought a little lower so He can raise a little Higher in your day!!! “Pride is insolence, and belief in human power is impiety. True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to a power beyond himself.

Psalm 138:3 NKJV.."In the day when I cried out, You answered me,And made me bold with strength in my soul." Psalm 32:6 NIV "Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you,while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him."

Exposing the Underbelly

2009-11-23T13:47:00.000-08:00

Exposing The Underbelly

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Now as simplistic as it may sound I sometimes grasp Spiritual concepts deeper through the use of word pictures. The moment I read this passage I envisioned us lowering ourselves before God much like a dog does to it’s Master’s hand. Images like this make me do a little research on what I’m picturing mentally. In doing so I found some interesting things to reflect on.

I learned that when dogs are born their Mother’s constantly turn them over to clean and care for them because they cannot take care of themselves. Much like us, this is not met without some resistance. However, because the Mother is bigger and stronger eventually the puppy learns to submit to her authority and decides to roll over. They begin to understand that she is essentially their Master and that she is looking out for them, regardless of what they may think or want at the time. At some point they get the connection that she is there to help them.

As dogs grow and mature most begin to apply these same principles when showing submission to their Human Masters. That’s why you’ll see a dog roll on its side or on it’s back when they see a human loved one approaching. Now they could very well turn and bite the hand that feeds them, but this would be out of fear. This kind of behavior would be out of a need to remain in control but instead the majority of dogs will relinquish all their power. Despite not knowing in advance what that person might or might not do for them, they will choose to submit themselves based on the knowledge that this is who pledges to care for them. They will expose the most vulnerable, the weakest part of their being, the under belly, all in an effort to show they have placed full trust in them.

Shouldn’t we do the same? ‘Humble yourself under God’s mighty hand”, I really needed to stop and take the time to consider what that requires. It’s easy for me to say I want to be humble to God but it can’t be something I show with words but rather by my actions. It requires pliability, it requires ‘letting Go and letting God’ as the phrase so cleverly describes. It means I am ready to be vulnerable to His will even though I may have my own. There are many definitions for the word “humble”. When I was considering my part in applying this scripture here is one that greatly affected me, “lowering in condition or importance; destroying the independence, power or will of.” Yikes! … Now that sounds a bit scary but this type of surrendering works out for my benefit. When I humble myself to God’s mighty hand I am trusting in His Authority, I am proving that I believe He’d never harm me, and I am appreciating how much he takes care of things for me. Exposing my “under belly” which is my Soul into God’s hands means that I will not give way to fear and that I am letting Him lead me. When I do this, as any loving Master would, He takes hold of me.

Praise Him.

How Precious Is Unity

2009-11-11T10:36:00.001-08:00

How Precious Is Unity
Philippians 4:1-10 reads:
1Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends! 2I I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. 3Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, those names are in the book of life.4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Unity it so important in all the things we do in Christ, especially because we operate as a team when we profess to be believers. Sometimes our personal opinions or perceptions can cloud our judgment when it comes to guarding the Unity of the body and this is just what the Devil prefers, our separation from one another. Therefore we have to be diligent, the phrase “Agree to disagree” does not apply when it comes to the word of God and it doesn’t promote unity when it comes to our opinions either. If anything it just encourages us to fixate on the idea that, “I’m right and He’s wrong …so let’s all leave it alone,” this in turn creates more division. A better way to look at things is, “Let’s not let our differences drive us apart or affect all that we are working towards. Let’s work towards remaining in agreement so we can concentrate on what God wants.”

People are going to come from all walks of life when we make Jesus our Savior so it’s to be expected that we might not all share the same experiences or personal preferences. However, when it comes to Unity, it’s our common ground we should be protecting, not that which pours out from our own hearts. We need to work extra hard to avoid pleasing our flesh and to remember our work in the Lord is too important to emphasis our own ideals.

In Philippians 4 we see that Paul cautioned against this mindset. He felt so strongly about this that he publicly encouraged Euodia and Syntche to agree. It appears these Women were having some sort of disagreement. Since they were such important workers in the Lord's kingdom a division could have easily brought about public discord and begin to affect others. This would have resulted in an overshadowing of the fact that Paul himself said they had contented by his side for the Gospel. Whatever the case Paul pleaded with them to maintain unity, he encouraged the ladies and others in the region to join in this effort. We must always keep in mind family we are better than petty arguments. This is just what the Devil would like for us, for us to lose sight of the goal. That is why we must all live and work together carefully.

The Devil would rather us be so distracted with the minor things in life and or not remain in harmony when it comes to the Word so much, that we throw in the towel on God’s work and in on God’s family. That is why we are reminded in this same passage of how we should be interacting. We should be gentle with one another, we should be praying, we should be coming to God with things and we should be thinking positive with Christ as the center. That’s what’s going to keep us on track and that is what is going to keep us unified. Let’s block the Devil’s efforts by remaining unified so that we might jointly bring God the glory.

Go team Christ!

The Awe of His Power

2009-09-21T11:37:00.001-07:00

I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck could no longer support the weight of it all. That sounded the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.

I tried bracing myself but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling, my brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much so I mumble letting out groans and moans hoping I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again, yet that I’m still holding on to the fight I have inside.

Hey "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was there a minute ago” I begin stroking at it fumbling around my eye socket searching for it just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark. The vision from it cutting in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters seeing stars appear after being hit over the head with something heavy. Although this hit lacks the humor and it will take slightly longer to recover from it. ….

I am surrounded by help but I can't even notice anyone else that’s around. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion . I continue trying to concentrate trying to focus so that the sound won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. They’re already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain. Ssomehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial. He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.

That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always present Love.

Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Friendship

2009-07-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

Today is July 31,2009 4:26 p.m., my hope is I always remember this moment...

Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
sympathy and empathy,
honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart,
mutual understanding.

(*The above copyrighted material was taken from wipkedia.org when researching the word friendship. I have no claim on this material. The soul purpose of reproducing it here is for informative purposes only.)

My thoughts:
Many of us are so busy looking for friendship in all the wrong places that we fail to realize the true meaning of friendship is love. The Lord allowed us to have friendship to strengthen us. Often times we fail at it because we fail to remember that we ourselves need to be consistent, we are ourselves need to be reliable and we ourselves need to reciprocate. Then and only then will we partake in the joy of friendship, the peace that it brings in the storms the symbol it stands for as a reflection of God's love. I have to say I am so blessed to have experienced real relationships. Ones that have spurred me, have lifted me high. I’d like to take this moment to honor those individuals and be grateful I have them, because not everyone is even fortunate enough to know something so awesome. I hope to look back on this blog entry and be thankful, be appreciative and be satisfied with what we have. Especially on the days where the physical pain is trying to convince me I am isolated and a lone. Not only do I have amazing friends that stand by me when times are good but more importantly they don't mind walking in my rain, they welcome being by my side during my storm, and I must say the same concerning theirs. And so for that I am very thankful. Thank you Lord.

1.Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times....
1 Samuel 18:3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself
1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

Family:Forever +A+ Mighty+ Indication (of)+ Love +Your (way God)

2009-07-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

It’s such a shame when you can’t see without glasses. In the exhaustion of the night I took off my contacts without having everything laid before me only to search frantically for my glasses because I was minus hubby’s assistance for the night. I didn’t realize how much he helps me with even the little things like my evening fumbles with glasses, LOL. Just another way I am reminded to be thankful that he’s in my life. I miss that funny boy so very much on late nights such as these, but it just makes his return home so much sweeter.

Well, here I am again going such long strides without blogging. I am hopeful to get back into a flow of things when the fall comes, but for now I’d like to be more free spirited about things. We just finished an amazing road trips that was more than refreshing and greatly appreciated. We are so thankful to the Father for the time with family and one another. It was our first road trip and we spent time in four different states along the way. What an adventure.

Both hubby and I were amazed by the endurance of the children. I have to say with so many stops it wasn’t that bad a voyage. Our only down side was the little ones needed constant bathroom breaks and my migraines kept inducing car sickness, but we kept our spirits up. The girls had tons of fun with their cousins, Aunts and Uncles, and the alone time we spent as a family was more than special. We really miss their Dad at times so it was really hard sharing him with the world through out the trip. We had an amazing time at one of our stops, the one which involves the Famous mouse with the dog and good friends. It was the first time in a long time that we did all four theme parks.

There is something truly magical about that place. My oldest on one ride filled with lots of white background props “it’s a small World” asked….”Mommy is this what Heaven will look like!!!”…. I replied, “No Honey it will look even better!”… she was still in thought about her Daddy King along the journey. Despite going to one park in 105 degree weather, hee!hee! For the most part the weather was better than expected. We thought the heat would overwhelm us, but we were all good. (Huge cooler lots of water) We were so blessed to get so many beautiful shots of them there. The girls get braver as each year passes. We went on one ride that simulates a hang glider and I was more than proud of my littlest who never even flinched. It’s not that she wasn’t nervous or in awe of the authenticity of it all she just really submits to the power of trust. We told her before hand it was nothing to fear and that we would be right a long side her the whole time and what did she do…trust. What a little example.

Well, let me run, I am really trying to make progress with the book I am writing. As a writer I know I am suppose to be taking advantage of late nights and odd free time such as these, but I have stalled a bit from all the change we are under going right now in my home. Hopefully, when the girls start school I will pound the rest out and we can share the adventure that has lived in my head since the first night I sat under the big tree of my home when I moved here three years ago. The way the purple light hit the sky as the warm light began to turn into the nights dark spawned the birth of a whole host of characters for me, that I have come to love and hope others will love also as I attempt to do them justice by telling their story on paper.

So the summer vaca journey finally came nad is now over and it's back to reality. However, reality is as good as you make it. We may be returning to the real world with all of it's many problems and financiall stressors, but along the way we were refreshed to have had this time with the Lord and know he is always with us and that he gave us one another as we wait for His return.

Proverbs 15:16 Better a little with the fear of the LORD than great wealth with turmoil.

Rescue from the Waters....

2009-05-04T10:31:00.001-07:00

It takes a wonderful kind of person to become a water rescuer. To be willing to endanger one’s own life to come and save a person that’s potentially drowning in a sea of water. That rescuer has a whole plan of salvation and is quite capable of executing it, but they need the other person’s cooperation. Sometimes in a panic in the struggle against the water current a person’s fears can interfere with the rescue plan. Often they end up pulling the person doing the saving under the water with them. In a panicked effort to stay in control they end up causing more harm than good. Despite knowing about the potential of the danger that lies ahead that rescuer still moves forward with their plan of rescue. They are willing to give up their very life in an attempt to save this person, a simple stranger.

It’s like that movie the Guardian. After watching it I had such a true appreciation for water rescuers. For all the ways that the United States Coast Guard work to save human life from drowning. It profoundly affected me on a spiritual level to be eternally grateful for the True water rescuer my Sweet Daddy King. He’s helping me grow and stretch farther than I've ever imagined before, and so I praise Him.

Whew! This has been a long two weeks. I've pinched my self several times, but nope...I'm not dreaming, LOL, so onward through Him I press. God has been teaching me so much. Especially about all the ways I need to grow in trusting Him fully. Now clearly we can’t pull God under water with us, but He has made tremendous sacrifice to save us and we owe it to Him to trust that he knows what He is doing. I’m thankful for how he has continued to patiently teach me over the last sixteen years that it will always be about relinquishing complete control. He doesn’t need my help; if I stay out of his way he’s got this. He’s not going to let me drown.

Lord help me this day to continue to trust in all you do. Help me to avoid trying to understand and just trust in your ultimate plan. To not give in to panic and look for away to get out of the water, but to stay calm and just wade in it, to take comfort in the fact that I can see you on the approach and know “troubles don’t last always” this will pass. You my King are good and perfect and I know there is no better rescuer to get me out of the raging waters; in fact you’ve already saved me from them, it’s all good. Psalm 144:7 (New International Version)Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters...

Not my Will but Thine...

2009-03-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

Yikes, can’t believe I stopped blogging for four months. I can’t imagine if I tried to recap the last several months, so I really won’t bother. (That’d be crazy…I thought I shared too much when I was writing regularly, LOL.) Many things have changed, many plans have been reworked, many prayers have been answered, and many things are still up in the air. All and all Jesus my Lord has remained the same through it all. I am so thankful for the Father’s love.

A lot of the time, not always, but a lot of the time we live in a fantasy world where we think we just can’t be touched by certain things. “Oh no that could never happen to me,” “oh no not to my child,” “Nah, my family won’t have to worry about that” when in fact as long as we remain in these fragile shells we call bodies any and all things can and might very well happen to us. We are not immune just because we feel we should be. This past month I’ve been called really high; challenged to do some things I just thought would never have to be an option for me and thought it’s surreal it’s nothing compared to the joys of Heaven…so I wait on Him.

There have been a few sudden changes that have made me feel like someone has kicked me in the chest and knocked the wind out of me. However, like I always say, this world is not my home. So why act like it is? As much as the Devil desires to sift me like wheat thankfully the Father has been maintaining my joy. (Trust me it’s been a tall order with my yucky emotions constantly interfering.) I really don’t even like to imagine where my mind would be without the Father’s guardianship of it. So I am sitting tight, going with God’s flow, learning to rest in His arms through it all.

Job 5:16-18
16 So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.17 "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.18 For He wounds, but He also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal.

My True Thanks Giving

2008-11-29T20:12:00.000-08:00

Ever feel your attempts at communicating the emotions that accompany the exhaustion in your heart are just plain feeble? Sometimes it's just beyond your words to express the isolation that your individual experiences can lead you to on those coarser days. There's a sadness that begins to settle when you realize the weather patterns not changing, so you better put on your raincoat and raise your umbrella because this will be a long storm.

I've known those feeling and I've always thanked the Father for teaching me that those feelings are a misconception. They are like illusions. Lies of the heart that the Devil uses to separate us from the Father's loving hand. They cannot and will not reflect the certainty of Joy that comes from resting in the Father's love. Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

Now that's not to say we aren't surrounded by flesh. So for the most part many of us (maybe not all, but for most of us) we'll need to discard the lies of the flesh so that we can press on. Those feelings will come, but the challenge for those of us who believe is to release them and instead cling to what is real & lasting. Philippians 3:3 "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh."

I am always so profoundly impressed when the Father equips me to stand in His love. Job 36:15 "But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction." What a remarkable strength that clearly surpasses my own. A renewal that can only come from a parent's affirming love. No matter what type of up bringing we 've had, no matter who we looked at for parental guidance we were always strongest when we received reassuring love. A great example of that is in Luke 15:20 (The example of the Prodigal Son) "So he got up and went to his father.... But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." What loving mercy.

My Faith deepens each and every time the Lord chooses to personally come down and rescue me, even when it's from myself at times. Isaiah 66:11-16. What protection, what generosity like no other. Don't you just love it when you know sometimes all the aspects of your day were specifically designed to refresh you?... to get you to hold on. To protect your grip from slipping. He doesn't have to do that. He doesn't have to repeatedly demonstrate His love (I mean come one he gave us Jesus already) but he does. Sometimes it's in a babies smile, or your children's laughter, or the Churches' voice singing, or in the pages of the bible, or revealed in answered prayer. Perhaps it's in a hug without words, or a listening ear, or a loved ones forgiveness, or your forgiveness to that loved one. All of it, big and small, a design of love from God. I thank you Father this day. I truly do.

See He doesn't accuse; He doesn't grow impatient; He just reaches down and takes hold of us. Now if that's not giving I don't know what is. That my friends is exactly why I had a wonderful Thanks Giving Holiday.

Love you Daddy!
Philippians 3 (continued...) vs.7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Until the end...

2008-11-19T15:16:00.001-08:00

What a privilege it is to hear about the journey other's take in life. Thanks to another blogger, who I visited with multiple times this past two days! (through written word), I was inspired to journal a little today. (Thank you to that special someone for sharing your life with all of us).

How blessed are we, God's creation that is. In an often lonely, overwhelming, frustrating, heavy laden world the Father reaches down his sweet hands to comfort us... And individually for that matter. Wow! What a great effort. Imagine knowing how to perfectly manage each and every one of your relationships with a perfect love that shows no error. The mere thought makes my already fried brain ache, LOL. But Daddy God does indeed do it perfectly. What love, what constant care. Thank you Father Daddy.

Today I read a scripture that I love...1 Chronicles 29:10-13..."Praise be to you, O Lord God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. ...In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give power to all. Now, our God we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name."

To that I say Amen!

Now in that scripture David was sharing, through prayer, all that he can express and all that he is through God's loving hand, but this sentiment reminded me to reflect on Paul. Early on after his conversion Paul came to the realization that life will be full of affliction. He was lead by the Spirit to know this to be the case for him in particular. However, like David, Paul must have had a good understanding of the rewards of God's love. Paul must have trusted God's love for Him and in how it would carry him through. He refused to let anything in this life stop Him from serving the Father. Acts20:24 "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

That is such an awesome example. They both were (Paul and David) when it comes to intimacy with God. I pray I can continually be trained by all I am experiencing here. I pray that God will give me the strength and the passion to constantly step to the side so I can work to share his truths with others. I pray that I might edify and love others...that I may minister to my family and sing his Glorious praises. I pray I hold out and hold on. I had a wonderful prayer today with a Sister who often feels isolated because of the pain she endures. We both experienced God's loving hand by the end of that prayer. We both were able to walk away feeling strengthened and recognizing no matter what we want to fight until the end. I want to be on God's side when the war is over. We might get knocked down a few times during the battle but in the end if we stand firm, if we never forfeit the objective, it will be well worth it.

One minute this, the next minute that...thankful to those who stay the same in between it all

2008-10-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

What an astounding month it has been, blessed with wonderful family and friends to spur me a long. I spent lots of time and fellowship in the name of “Birthday” this month and it was not only humbling, but also reassuring of Gods love…. I went out multiple times this month with hubby, the kids, and several of my closest girlfriends. Oh, the carefree laughs we had, it was truly Spirit lifting. Sickness often leaves you feeling isolated but I can not capitulate such heart lead emotion knowing I am so richly loved. I praise the Father for all of them.

Let me take this time to leave here an update about my thoughts on the surgery. During one of those blessed outings with one of my girlfriends I went to see a fairly good movie. I could have passed on some of the direction of the movie, but the emphasis on appreciating real love (one that you hold out for) was wonderfully executed… I think I will read the book even though I prefer to do that in the reverse order. Any who, I digress, one of the very small side dialogues that transpired in the movie between the main character and one of his patient’s spouses made me realize where I stand right now.

I am not as acceptant to the idea of surgery as I had thought I was becoming. This wasn’t some revelation at the movie theater. I had been wavering on it for weeks since not too many surgeons are listed as preforming it as of yet. I asked God to make it clear what I should do for the duration. I believe He did that for me through not only this movie, but more importantly from the encouragement and advice of several love ones. Hubby, my amazing rock, was in support of either decision so to that end, I’m not too disappointed. To be frank I was more enthused about the break through of new options for this chronic condition then the timeframe it could be preformed. We’ll see in the future if the Lord will lead me back to this.

In the meantime, the good news (well not good, but informative) is that the neck MRI, showed something. Two bulging disk, some curvature issues, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. (I stopped listening for a while.) It was like she became one of Charlie Brown's teachers talking. I didn't care about all the words; it was just nice someone affirmed that there was a problem. It was not the cause of my migraines as I had hope she would conclude, but at least I now know I need to be more careful with the neck. Apparently it is not uncommon for migraine sufferers to spasm in that area due to all the extra swelling that goes on. Similar to my back issues, the key will be better maintenance as to prevent further injury. To help that a long I was given a script to start physical therapy A.S.A.P. (my sweet doctor thinking I live in a perfect world, ha!ha!ha! I’ll still need to work out the kinks of “stay at home Mom/hubby works in Manhattan” to see how that will get done.) Nevertheless, I’m not going to stress over it.

We waste so much time on the unimportant things. Not that we shouldn’t make every effort to get ourselves healthy but I meant more so the customary things. I don't want the tedious things to be what drives me. Too many of us find ourselves concentrating all our energies maneuvering life in these shells we call our bodies and then getting frustrated when they fail or betray us. All of that serves as a growing reminder that these bodies won’t be our eternal dwellings. (Thank God for that, I’m spent.) I am anticipating something greater.

God has made promises to us based on a better existence. When he brings me to Heaven He’ll take care of all the rest. I look forward to that (when ever that turns out to be). I don't mean to sound morbit but I often pray to the Father, "Lord I'm ready," but another good girlfriend this "birthday month" gave me a beautiful card in somewhat oposition of that. I won't share what was in it, however I will say this, she encouraged me to celebrate while I'm still here. To continue to cherish the time I have sharing God's word and spending time with the loved ones He has provided for me. Not only is that just what I plan on doing, but she and a couple of other folks I love dearly block my prayers anyway, hee!hee!(... not the prayers when I long for Jesus return, we all want that, just the part about me trying to leave here quicker. I haven't created too many fans with that line of praying no matter how hard I try, smile.)

In all seriousness, the Father's really been helping me to welcome the ups and downs that come in my life, to stop focusing on the disadvantages my health gives us, and concentrate on the good times I share with loved ones. Let me now also thank you Lord for this special "birthday" month, for my life, for keeping me here to celebrate.... Those heart lead prayers when I try to get Him to take me sooner are actually selfish. I don't say it out loud often enough but I love my hubby, my girls, my family, and my sweet girlfriends. That might not take all the pains away but it sure taste like sweet medicine in the meantime.

Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Thank you to all my sweet team members, for loving me, for believing in me, for honoring me, and for standing with me through it all! You guys rock!

The Road to Possibilities, Often Narrow but Worthy!

2008-09-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

Wow.

It’s been so long. Before I get into the new things I'm exploring concering my health; can I just side track for a moment and mention HS. I am so excited about this school year. What a wonderful time I’m having with my girls. We have gone ahead and introduced a new teaching aid to our daily activities, but for the most part I am still handling the majority of instruction myself. It seems much calmer for us this year. Calm and easy are two different words. There are still many steps a long the way, but I am feeling a lot more confidant in my decision to continue home education despite my health problems. I have a wonderful support system and I've recieved so much good advice about how to serve them unconventionally when the world teaches you to think success is found by conventional methods alone. We’ll see how things are in a month or two, when we start pulling out our hair. (smile.)

Jokes aside, I am really journaling today about hope. It’s something no one else can ever take from you as long as it’s based on God’s promises. I am so excited because I am researching a new procedure for migraine sufferers. It might involve multiple surgeries but any one who knows me knows the fact that I am even willing to consider this means a new day has come. I have to say 8 years is a long time to go without many options outside of medications and dark rooms. So this seems promising. I’ve been in deep prayer about it and I really feel God is making clear what active roll I need to play in finding out if I’m a candidate. There are a couple of down sides to this, the Hospital is in another state, there is clearly a waiting list as there are only a handful of Doctors performing this procedure at this time, and not to mention it might not be covered through insurance but I have to try. I also have to allow God to give me the strength to be a part of the process when there are so many other things going on. This could take weeks, months, or even years to work out but I trust Daddy God in the decisions he makes for my life so I’ll wait.

First step is asking my Neuro if she has any knowledge of this new technique and respecting all her answers in regard to it. Sometimes like a child with candy you don’t want anyone taking your options away, but she has been a huge support to my healing. I am going to hold on to that when she speaks. I have a follow up with her for a neck MRI so we’ll see what she says. Ironically the procedure involves the neck and she and I are exploring the neck at the moment anyway so I’m excited. Good or bad, my joy is not in this world and my hope remains in Him.

Psalm 13:4-6 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Tah Tah for Now!

2008-08-26T07:35:00.001-07:00

The past couple of weeks have been difficult. I’ve been in a lot of pain and because of that I’ve been feeling mostly funky, but thankfully we don’t get to Heaven because of our feelings. Christ set a loving example for us concerning Endurance. This is what we use despite how we're feeling to help us run the race to obtain the Spiritual goal of Heaven.

There is so much behind the word Endurance. My quite time this morning was a good opportunity to reflect on how much power lies in that word. I found some excellent definitions on Accurate and Reliable Dictionary’s website as I studied Romans 15 and Colossians 1…
Here are a few of those definitions:
- The act of bearing or suffering; a continuing under pain or distress without resistance, (That’s so important/ letting go and letting God.) without being overcome; sufferance; patience. (...another key component to genuine endurance.)
- The power to withstand hardship or stress; ex:"the marathon tests a runner’s endurance" (“Testing” that is something that as long as we lie in the flesh we will constantly undergo. We must be refined.)
- A state of surviving, remaining alive (…Oh they're “Preaching to the choir" as the say, concerning this one; some days that is truly all I am trying to do all I can do…through God of course.)

I want to pull out some buzz words and phrases from the listing above: CONTINUING, WITHOUT RESISTANCE, WITHOUT BEING OVERCOME, POWER TO WITHSTAND, SURVIVING, REMAINING ALIVE.

Endurance requires a fuel source for these things to happen. If that fuel source becomes depleted we must look to replace it or else will never finish the race. From a physical stand point, the free Encyclopedia, Wikipedia states various ways we become depleted, "The need for sleep, the buildup of non-recyclable waste chemicals, the depletion of convertible energy stores and other needed chemicals (e.g., water, sodium), physical injury, psychological failure, or attainment of the goal will bring the effort to an end." Therefore we need to rely on God, who provides an over abundant source of energy for us to utilize as we strive to attain the goal. We allow Him to accomplish victory in us when our endurance leads to Hope. Endurance is nothing without Hope. In fact the Father through his marvelous word often pairs the two together. Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have Hope. Romans15: 13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

So my hope is this, as long as breath flows through my body, I pray I will continue on this journey. I have two desires as I reach for that attainment. Both that require constant refueling. One: that I may always live for my Daddy God and two: that I will never allow the physical blockers to prematurely end my race. Instead, I pray I stop only at the attainment of the goal, my Sweet Home with God in Heaven. As a side note: Home School will be starting soon. I am excited about the New Year but I am sure that means I will rarely be on here. Nonetheless, I am going to hold myself to the commitment to write (whether it’s through blogging or just at home on paper, I will make time for this). In the meanwhile, if it takes some time to hear from me again, please know it has been an enjoyable experience sharing my internal dialogue with others. Romans 15:5-6 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God bless!

Pressing forward through Him,
T.J.

Father Knows Best

2008-08-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

Giving out discipline's no fun for the Lord but it’s a necessity to train his children. He does it because He loves us. He knows what’s best. No matter how difficult it may be, He’ll use what ever He must to shape and mold us. After several days of good health, I needed the reminder again that I am not in control of my life. In his perfect disciplining process He gave me that reminder when I went "down for the count' Sunday night. God bless Hubby for staying home with me on Monday. I went from one extreme of health to the other, falling flat on my face. Flat on our face is where we need to be anyway, in order to submit to the Father’s control over our lives.

Like most families in our nation, our household is under going various trials. Recently, those trials have lead my wheels to start spinning overtime. I've been allowing myself to consider several ways that I (key word “I” not God) could be useful in helping alleviate some of the pressure of these situations. Their not bad things, but many are not necessarily beneficial. "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial." That's been a big mistake; running ahead of God in this situation.

In reflection, I am so thankful for his mercies. For training me that I need to take it down a notch, pray, and just conform to where He is leading us. That's often difficult but it's worth it in the end. I mean think about it, would you walk up to the Captain of a ship and say, "Scoot over, I've come up with some new coordinates that will get us to the destination faster."!? Of course not, so why do it to our Captain God. (Is anyone noting my obsession with the Sea when I'm blogging/Love boat anyone?....jokes aside,) When we get out of the way and allow our plans to flow according to ”His time” then we can be at peace concerning our plans. That reminds me of the song “A different Road” … 'I’ve run ahead…I’ve gone to slow. I’ve got to be still now, wait upon His will now, this time it’s going to be His time.'

My nature is combative of that; my mind has always been too black and white. I look to assess a situation, come up with a plan of attack, and execute it. However, things shouldn't’t be made to seem so simple. Many of us would then believe the lie that we are self-reliant. Perhaps even forfeit our Spiritual inheritance; assuming this nonsense is all that life is about. Therefore, lovingly, God has used illness the past eight years to protect me from that. (Sometimes God puts my flesh down so hard… that I cannot literally catch my breath to let out sound to cry from the pain, but I thank Him for it. Call me crazy but it trains me.)

Now don’t get it twisted, like most children who ask for a different form of discipline (ex: “Can I stand in the corner instead of not playing my video games?) I’d love a new form of training but I can’t pretend this one isn’t working. It’s hard to endure at times but it's discipline, good Godly discipline and I am made a better person for it. It’s taught me so much about me & My Daddy and our very real & lasting bond. It’s also taught my husband and I how to bond. The more we undergo, the more we value each other. I appreciate his perspective. When my husband looks at the mountain of trials before us, he doesn’t try to become the solution but rather be used in the solution process, and then he waits for God to handle it. That’s what I am learning to do. Wait.
Psalm 37:5-7 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him....

The Love Boat, Something exciting for everyone

2008-08-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

Instead of going to sleep last night, you know what I did? I went on a cruise boat and to a beautiful Island. Well, in my mind anyway. I stayed up late watching old episodes of “The Love Boat” and clips of “Fantasy Island”. It was great.

I don’t know where it’s written but there’s some handbook, somewhere., that says, when you are in your thirties you must have some sort of midlife crisis. (No matter the size and no matter if anybody knows, you just have to have it.) Thankfully mine is starting off small in diameter. It’s been manifesting itself in the form of a strong urge to watch all things 70’s on the computer.

I now even have Hubby involved with my madness, having him rent Wonder Woman on DVD for me any chance he gets. He was the one that lovingly broke the news to me that I wasn’t going to gain back time no matter how many episodes I watched…. Ouch! I appreciate his honesty but can’t I just relish the moment a little while longer, smile. It's not even that I really want to go back there, you just appreciate more how time stops for no man. That's why you have to live life fully. I’m partly being silly, but it’s been a fun summer checking out these older shows. We don't get much time watching the "tube" (showing my age again) when the Home School Year starts.

Perhaps I can write something more meaningful later in the week but for now let me just end by sharing a quick story. Daddy God is so sweet, so good, and so perfect. He got myself and two other sisters with health issues through a very encouraging week of service for VBS. The three of us had a blast together. Now you might wonder and I hope not, “Well what’s so grand about that?” it’s grand because He’s so powerful…a few days earlier one of those two Sisters and I were on the phone praying/crying because we were both in so much physical pain and He answered us. He wiped our eyes, put on our band-aids, and sent us off. My point is, don’t give up praying. He is listening no matter what, just remain in petition. 1 Samuel 1:15-17: I was pouring out my soul to the LORD…. I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief…. Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."

Love, the best medicine:

2008-08-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

Wow! This morning I woke up with crushing pain in my head (chronic migraines), neck pain (bad back), and complete exhaustion (hypohomocysteinemia) and thought, “Oh what a nasty day physically this will be”. However, my insides suggested differently as His Spirit reminded me to feel joy. Daddy God saw fit to raise me to life on this Day. So once again, today I choose joy. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like crap but it won’t rob me of my joy. What made things more complicated is that I have a ladies fellowship this evening at my home and poor hubby had to go off to work so very early. Thankfully, that OCD of mine (which is not always a blessing) kicked in high gear last night and so I cleaned from top to bottom and prepared everything in advance. Also, I am blessed to have very understanding, loving relationships in God’s kingdom, whom each show me tremendous support on my off days. So (by the grace of God) I’ll be fine.

I think my biggest concern this morning was more so hubby. He is an amazing man. We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 13 &1/2 (got to count the half ;-) ). He is such a source of strength and support for our family and I just long for the day he can get some rest. Like a double-edged sword I recognize the blessing and the training this time of testing is producing for both of our lives, but I also know the toil it takes on him to rise up at 3:30 most mornings only to return in the late evening and minister to us. I am learning to follow his example in his passionate trust of the Lord; I know that this two shall pass.

Ironically, or Spirit purposed, which ever way you want to look at it, Bible gateway’s scripture of the day derives from the same chapter of the bible that we are using to prepare for an upcoming Women’s day at Church. Therefore, I just decided to run with the correlation and make that my quiet time for the day. Good choice I must say (Luke 12)! It reminded me that all though it can be challenging being a single income family, battling a couple of financial ups and downs, we are so truly blessed in that our treasures are not stored in this world. Hubby and I have been poor in every sense of the word and we’ve lived in abundance, and we’ve lived in this place now, (getting by on God’s hands alone) but overall we’ve remained in love. Ah love! One of the greatest treasures you actually can carry over to Heaven. So though my heart might be a little sad and my body in a little pain, and his body a little tired, I rejoice that we are experiencing things together. Luke 13:34, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
God bless!

Refresh yourself through written word...

2008-08-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I am not a professional blogger :)...I cannot believe I finally stopped in the moment to start this venture. I am ready. My prayer is that I can encourage just one other person by sharing my experiences. I also look forward to the impact reading what other people share will have on my Soul.

Between, church activities, family activities, doctor’s visits, home schooling, dance class, health problems, and keeping the home, I thought this time would never come. I often thought to myself, “…(with my terrible OCD and over planning of each day), who has time for blogging!!?” However, I now recognize it is no longer an option but instead a requirement.

Writing is so therapeutic; the power of written word is remarkable. It frees the soul and challenges the mind. It helps us take the time to remember who we are and where we are going. This world is so fast pace, “do this”, “do that”, “be here”, “be there”, “look at this”, and “look at that”, it’s never ending. No wonder we get tired, over committed, envious, and burnt out. If we plan to stay talented at organizing our families and helping them execute their own days, then we have to stay on top of ministering to our own needs. Writing things down can help that. We have to stop and take the time to organize our own thought process.

This has always been a challenge for me. God is training me to think differently about ‘taking out time for self’. In the past I would find myself too guilt-ridden to set personal goals. I worried that my sickness was already taking up so much time from the family that I thought it a crime to spend energy on my own interest. I exhausted myself overcompensating, spending all my energies on their needs and ignoring my own. Then I would get burnt out. FYI, that’s not humility that’s just plain old pride. Silly human. I thank God for hindsight; God is training me to know that I do not need to create my own disciplines, nor does he want me to trade discipline for punishment by neglecting myself. Instead I am to be a part of a disciplined lifestyle; I too can be part of the importance of the day. In fact, without valuing the importance that God himself has placed on our individual lives, we will be useless to others.

Okay well, that’s all for now, sorry so much so soon, but had to start somewhere. God bless.

PS: Get to know me...Here are some of my goals:

Explore avenues on how to become more involved with Cancer and Migraine Research perhaps build a website (...dabbling in it but not where I want to be)
Write Music (...finish the c.d I've been making for the past two years)
Dance Again (...I love dance as a form of expression)
Learn the Guitar (..another venture, I've been undertaking for two years ;-) )
Read More/laugh more/explore more

I'll keep you posted ;)