I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck could no longer support the weight of it all. That sounded the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.
I tried bracing myself but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling, my brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much so I mumble letting out groans and moans hoping I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again, yet that I’m still holding on to the fight I have inside.
Hey "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was there a minute ago” I begin stroking at it fumbling around my eye socket searching for it just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark. The vision from it cutting in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters seeing stars appear after being hit over the head with something heavy. Although this hit lacks the humor and it will take slightly longer to recover from it. ….
I am surrounded by help but I can't even notice anyone else that’s around. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion . I continue trying to concentrate trying to focus so that the sound won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. They’re already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain. Ssomehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial. He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.
That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always present Love.
Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
