I am truly blessed to have risen to a new day and I pray I may show that appreciation by not just words but in action....Reflecting back I wouldn't change a thing about this last year. No matter the physical challenges or health setbacks God kept me safe and I felt His nearness at all times. He remains and will remain Faithful. I appreciate His loving Children showing me His Joy thru their comforting prayers, use of His Wisdom, and Love thru deeds. May God continue to bless their hands and feet richly. Blessed Be the Lord.
Here's my Scriptural Reflection for not this day but every day:
(NLT) Psalm 124: 1What if the LORD had not been on our side?
Let all Israel repeat:
2What if the LORD had not been on our side
when people attacked us?
3They would have swallowed us alive
in their burning anger.
4The waters would have engulfed us;
a torrent would have overwhelmed us.
5Yes, the raging waters of their fury
would have overwhelmed our very lives.
6Praise the LORD,
who did not let their teeth tear us apart!
7We escaped like a bird from a hunter’s trap.
The trap is broken, and we are free!
8Our help is from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
more precious than gold
Wow, it's been 8 months since the confusion started with my health. It feels like yesterday, but I marvel at the Lord sustaining me so readily and so mightily thru this trial regardless of the storm. It has truly been a lesson in the power of remaining in Faith towards Him. There were times when I felt I could have gone mad mentally from the questions, set backs, and lack of answers yet thru His might I am gaining more and more clarity each day. So here we are today several emergency room visits, three cardiologist, three medical doctors, two neurologist and one Fixed and capable God later I now know more of what has been going on and what might have potentially triggered the TIA back in the winter of 2011.
My husband and I are now with a very wonderful team of fresher faces that are trying to get to the bottom of my blood pressure crisis, chest pain, speech issues, and migraine frequency. And after multiple tests, lots of blood work, and bouts with exhaustion the latest finding is a missed PFO. This is great to finally know about it but it was hard to believe it went undetected so long since I had a heart murmur most of my childhood and was born with a hole in the lung. However, the more I learn about the connection between PFO and chronic migraines the more I realize it is the grace of God that allowed the connections to be formed at all.
Right now they are running several more test to verify the BP crisis have not been the result of the body dealing with any other form of disease, but the good news is if necessary the latest Dr. I am seeing will attempt closure of the hole if it comes down to it. That will hopefully alleviate some of the forms of pain I have been in. But he is being careful and proceeding slowly. Since I developed heart disease at a fairly young age, he is not interested in touching the heart muscle until some other things come to light. So I am taking it day to day.
As is the case with many people who have PFO's that are not extremely large they have started aspirin therapy in addition to my other drug therapies. I have noted improvements in my cholesterol numbers and pressure issues and have even found the frequency of the head pain to have slowed a bit. All things I cannot express how thankful to God I am about. So here I stand waiting, working on trusting, and appreciative. Recognizing more and more what is truly important in life and that is preparation for the life that is eternal. My husband and children have been an amazing support system thru out this nightmare and I could not have come this far without their love, support, and strength. God has been so good to me for giving me these precious Jules.
Be strong all, be courageous, this life is temporary there is something better for those who have Faith. There's something wonderful if we continue to cling to the Father. Praying for you friends!
1 Peter 1: 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
My husband and I are now with a very wonderful team of fresher faces that are trying to get to the bottom of my blood pressure crisis, chest pain, speech issues, and migraine frequency. And after multiple tests, lots of blood work, and bouts with exhaustion the latest finding is a missed PFO. This is great to finally know about it but it was hard to believe it went undetected so long since I had a heart murmur most of my childhood and was born with a hole in the lung. However, the more I learn about the connection between PFO and chronic migraines the more I realize it is the grace of God that allowed the connections to be formed at all.
Right now they are running several more test to verify the BP crisis have not been the result of the body dealing with any other form of disease, but the good news is if necessary the latest Dr. I am seeing will attempt closure of the hole if it comes down to it. That will hopefully alleviate some of the forms of pain I have been in. But he is being careful and proceeding slowly. Since I developed heart disease at a fairly young age, he is not interested in touching the heart muscle until some other things come to light. So I am taking it day to day.
As is the case with many people who have PFO's that are not extremely large they have started aspirin therapy in addition to my other drug therapies. I have noted improvements in my cholesterol numbers and pressure issues and have even found the frequency of the head pain to have slowed a bit. All things I cannot express how thankful to God I am about. So here I stand waiting, working on trusting, and appreciative. Recognizing more and more what is truly important in life and that is preparation for the life that is eternal. My husband and children have been an amazing support system thru out this nightmare and I could not have come this far without their love, support, and strength. God has been so good to me for giving me these precious Jules.
Be strong all, be courageous, this life is temporary there is something better for those who have Faith. There's something wonderful if we continue to cling to the Father. Praying for you friends!
1 Peter 1: 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Taking another break....
Many of us blog to encourage & or share various parts of our lives we wouldn't other wise have been able to share with people. Away to show we care for one another. I appreciate all of the people I've gotten to know or gotten to know better via this avenue.
Unfortunately, I am no longer able to participate in all of that regularly anymore. I have some medical issues that need attention (I know God is working) and so I wont be blogging for awhile.
Try to remember GOd's love. I share my story because I know how illness can make you feel isolation, but God removes the sadness that comes from chronic pain when we turn to Him. God is a good loving God who allowed His son to die for our sins so that we can have a chance at new life. What a blessing it is that in order to experiences that newness He shows us the wonderful way. All we have to do is choose to accept it. We just need to reach out and grab hold of this gift by confessing Jesus as Lord, repenting of our sins, and being Baptized as we learn to walk in His ways by continually readying ourselves with His scriptures.(1Corinthians 15:1-4 and Acts 2:38.) That is my comfort, may you allow yourself to feel that same comfort too by taking Him up on His offer.
So here's my last shout out on here for just awhile,I hope,smile. Happy Anniversary to one of the best people I've ever known...it's been wonderful experiencing unimaginable blessings with you regardless of the storms. I am thankful for our God and our marriage. Love and blessing to all!
Again may I refer to this scripture.... Ephesians 3:20 (GOD’S WORD Translation)
3:20 Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine
Love,
GPJ
Unfortunately, I am no longer able to participate in all of that regularly anymore. I have some medical issues that need attention (I know God is working) and so I wont be blogging for awhile.
Try to remember GOd's love. I share my story because I know how illness can make you feel isolation, but God removes the sadness that comes from chronic pain when we turn to Him. God is a good loving God who allowed His son to die for our sins so that we can have a chance at new life. What a blessing it is that in order to experiences that newness He shows us the wonderful way. All we have to do is choose to accept it. We just need to reach out and grab hold of this gift by confessing Jesus as Lord, repenting of our sins, and being Baptized as we learn to walk in His ways by continually readying ourselves with His scriptures.(1Corinthians 15:1-4 and Acts 2:38.) That is my comfort, may you allow yourself to feel that same comfort too by taking Him up on His offer.
So here's my last shout out on here for just awhile,I hope,smile. Happy Anniversary to one of the best people I've ever known...it's been wonderful experiencing unimaginable blessings with you regardless of the storms. I am thankful for our God and our marriage. Love and blessing to all!
Again may I refer to this scripture.... Ephesians 3:20 (GOD’S WORD Translation)
3:20 Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine
Love,
GPJ
Saturday, May 14, 2011
...and your postive I'm not dreaming.
Here’s something I wrote as I’ve struggled the last 24 hours with processing the information I was given when I got a call from my cardiac nurse yesterday. She's amazing, but I kept feeling like, "Are you sure you meant me? maybe that's the wrong test results your looking at." ;-) As much as I was thankful someone finally had some news for me, I couldn't help wanting to ask..."and your positive I'm not dreaming?" Here's what I wrote to help negate my fears over the matter....
"The succor of Christ fades all apprehension away and the Glory of the image is made luminous; emotion's distortion no longer hides the truth of it's Light...Spirtual eyes take note and view for yourself...behold...'tis The Predominate Hand of God" -Given Precious Jules
See over the last several months as pain, discomfort, and health issues started to magnify, after pressure spikes, and hospitalizations I was growing tired, but praise God we are now finally getting some clarity. We've even been learning the last several days that quite a few signals were potentially life threatening and just how much it was the Hand of God that was guiding things is incredible. I am so thankful for all the hidden ways God had orchestrated this last exposure.
After suffering the blow that I was not with the right general MD a few months back I started asking my neuro for help because I felt bombarded with everything. No one could put their finger on what was going on. So she agreed with me about moving on to find a new doctor, but recommended that I find a cardiologist in the meanwhile if nothing else because my pressure was doing so poorly. During this same time frame my husband just happen to be wrapping up some cardiologist appointments because of a fluke on his routine ekg and so I decided to try the same cardiologist.
Praise God all his test went well for Him. We started to realize the ekg was not a fluke after all, rather it was the hand of God exposing and working out things for me. We could now grasp it was God that lead me to this doctor and that it was actually to help provide the right care for me. To think if not for my husband's doctor sending him to a specialist, if not for me declinging to continue working with my general MD, and if not for talking to my neurologist....I would have never learned I had some things going on with one of my carotid arteries. If not for them deciding to think out of the box and run one non standard test because of my symptoms,I’d probably still be living in the ignorance. Wow, God is so generous.
Don’t get me wrong, I was blessed to be getting routine blood work over the years and the last ten years I’ve been blessed to have regular MRI's of the head for my chronic migraines, but only this doctor thought to ignore my age and check the carotid artery. I am certain it was only God who led him to do that. How amazing it is to realize God has been watching over me despite the months of confusion. This explains much of the increase in speech, memory, and visual issues that no one else had been able to put their finger on.
{Because migraine is such a terrible disease that induces many of the same symptoms of other disease not too many people (accept my neuro) thought much of what has been happening with me over the last several months. I did try sharing things were intensifying, but I guess I didn't push hard enough and that is the danger of chronically suffering from this disease. At times many of us are not understood when we feel it might be something else going on because it seems like the same old experience. Please know what ever your suffering with you have the right to ask for testing and follow up. Don't be paranoid, but don't let anyone make you feel crazy either. You are your best advocate for your body...but anyway rant over...God is amazing.}
So now we wait, I have one more important test and all we can do is pray and hope for good news with it. ((SIGH))...this is indeed happening... however, the good news is this isn't news to God. As my girlfriend mentioned to me through the sadness, He's always been in charge of what's happening. I'll need to trust because if He has been working so mightily in the silence how much more now that things are layed out in the open for me. All in all this has been transforming.
I don’t plan on going anywhere,may that be His will, but I am more willing to recognize these bodies are not meant to be lasting…. life is fragile and whatever our road we have to prepare for the after. I am not playing a game, I want to sit at His feet one day. If I want that then I'll have to cling to Him learning to let go of the fears that try ensnaring me....though it's okay to feel fear He doesn't want us living there in it. Let's trust Him, know Him, understand that even when our eyes are not fully aware of all that He is working or all the danger He is working through… may we just know He is working...always working… And as we wait on His work, His glorious will to be done, may we draw near the Father. He can and will take the fear away for the believer:
"1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment...19 We love because he first loved us." (ESV)
"The succor of Christ fades all apprehension away and the Glory of the image is made luminous; emotion's distortion no longer hides the truth of it's Light...Spirtual eyes take note and view for yourself...behold...'tis The Predominate Hand of God" -Given Precious Jules
See over the last several months as pain, discomfort, and health issues started to magnify, after pressure spikes, and hospitalizations I was growing tired, but praise God we are now finally getting some clarity. We've even been learning the last several days that quite a few signals were potentially life threatening and just how much it was the Hand of God that was guiding things is incredible. I am so thankful for all the hidden ways God had orchestrated this last exposure.
After suffering the blow that I was not with the right general MD a few months back I started asking my neuro for help because I felt bombarded with everything. No one could put their finger on what was going on. So she agreed with me about moving on to find a new doctor, but recommended that I find a cardiologist in the meanwhile if nothing else because my pressure was doing so poorly. During this same time frame my husband just happen to be wrapping up some cardiologist appointments because of a fluke on his routine ekg and so I decided to try the same cardiologist.
Praise God all his test went well for Him. We started to realize the ekg was not a fluke after all, rather it was the hand of God exposing and working out things for me. We could now grasp it was God that lead me to this doctor and that it was actually to help provide the right care for me. To think if not for my husband's doctor sending him to a specialist, if not for me declinging to continue working with my general MD, and if not for talking to my neurologist....I would have never learned I had some things going on with one of my carotid arteries. If not for them deciding to think out of the box and run one non standard test because of my symptoms,I’d probably still be living in the ignorance. Wow, God is so generous.
Don’t get me wrong, I was blessed to be getting routine blood work over the years and the last ten years I’ve been blessed to have regular MRI's of the head for my chronic migraines, but only this doctor thought to ignore my age and check the carotid artery. I am certain it was only God who led him to do that. How amazing it is to realize God has been watching over me despite the months of confusion. This explains much of the increase in speech, memory, and visual issues that no one else had been able to put their finger on.
{Because migraine is such a terrible disease that induces many of the same symptoms of other disease not too many people (accept my neuro) thought much of what has been happening with me over the last several months. I did try sharing things were intensifying, but I guess I didn't push hard enough and that is the danger of chronically suffering from this disease. At times many of us are not understood when we feel it might be something else going on because it seems like the same old experience. Please know what ever your suffering with you have the right to ask for testing and follow up. Don't be paranoid, but don't let anyone make you feel crazy either. You are your best advocate for your body...but anyway rant over...God is amazing.}
So now we wait, I have one more important test and all we can do is pray and hope for good news with it. ((SIGH))...this is indeed happening... however, the good news is this isn't news to God. As my girlfriend mentioned to me through the sadness, He's always been in charge of what's happening. I'll need to trust because if He has been working so mightily in the silence how much more now that things are layed out in the open for me. All in all this has been transforming.
I don’t plan on going anywhere,may that be His will, but I am more willing to recognize these bodies are not meant to be lasting…. life is fragile and whatever our road we have to prepare for the after. I am not playing a game, I want to sit at His feet one day. If I want that then I'll have to cling to Him learning to let go of the fears that try ensnaring me....though it's okay to feel fear He doesn't want us living there in it. Let's trust Him, know Him, understand that even when our eyes are not fully aware of all that He is working or all the danger He is working through… may we just know He is working...always working… And as we wait on His work, His glorious will to be done, may we draw near the Father. He can and will take the fear away for the believer:
"1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment...19 We love because he first loved us." (ESV)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Let it Be
Today was long, very, very long, but you know it’s not even a blink compared to my future time sitting at the Father’s feet. Gotta keep perspective....
Okay so here is where we’re at right now; this last two weeks we got some promising news concerning my newest meds. They seem to be helping multiple ailments and my BP is finally stable for the first time in three long months. Unfortunately, I need to add an additional med for something else and so I am praying along with that won’t come additional side effects. I am going to stay hopeful. In the end I have to do what is helpful to our family as a whole.
Praise God my speech has really been improving, although it hasn’t been clear to the Neuro yet whether it is migraine related or something else, she is working so very diligently with me. I am so thankful for her. She is one of my few consistent Doctors in my treatment that listens to me the person, not me “one of many” patients she sees. That is rare. And I worship with a wonderful group of people that have really been handing this over for me to the Lord. I truly can see the difference in my memory and speech issues. I am not transposing words as much anymore and I am not having as much memory or vision problems as I have been the last couple of weeks. …So I’m encouraged.
However, of course you know that does not mean there’s not plenty going on right? Smile. Right as I finally start accepting that it is the Lord's wheel for me to be home for a while and started absorbing the fact that I am going to try to home school again, my ex-boss lets me know I always have a place at her school if I want to come back. Then the following day I get a phone call for another interview at a School closer to my home one I had been praying about for months before I got very ill. Ugh!! Though my mind should have seen these options as blessings I immediately felt shame, and disappointment that I can't physically do that in this hour. But my loving Husband reminded me all will work itself out thru God's mighty hands, let me share....
My best friend gave me the most wonderful advice today when I was anxiously trying to wake Jesus during the storm…He said, “Let it be, if this is a blessing from God and this timing won’t allow for you to reach out and grab it right now, just let it be. If it is truly from God it will be there when it is meant to be picked up by you; God is control.” ...I love falling in Love with my husband! :-)
Okay so here is where we’re at right now; this last two weeks we got some promising news concerning my newest meds. They seem to be helping multiple ailments and my BP is finally stable for the first time in three long months. Unfortunately, I need to add an additional med for something else and so I am praying along with that won’t come additional side effects. I am going to stay hopeful. In the end I have to do what is helpful to our family as a whole.
Praise God my speech has really been improving, although it hasn’t been clear to the Neuro yet whether it is migraine related or something else, she is working so very diligently with me. I am so thankful for her. She is one of my few consistent Doctors in my treatment that listens to me the person, not me “one of many” patients she sees. That is rare. And I worship with a wonderful group of people that have really been handing this over for me to the Lord. I truly can see the difference in my memory and speech issues. I am not transposing words as much anymore and I am not having as much memory or vision problems as I have been the last couple of weeks. …So I’m encouraged.
However, of course you know that does not mean there’s not plenty going on right? Smile. Right as I finally start accepting that it is the Lord's wheel for me to be home for a while and started absorbing the fact that I am going to try to home school again, my ex-boss lets me know I always have a place at her school if I want to come back. Then the following day I get a phone call for another interview at a School closer to my home one I had been praying about for months before I got very ill. Ugh!! Though my mind should have seen these options as blessings I immediately felt shame, and disappointment that I can't physically do that in this hour. But my loving Husband reminded me all will work itself out thru God's mighty hands, let me share....
My best friend gave me the most wonderful advice today when I was anxiously trying to wake Jesus during the storm…He said, “Let it be, if this is a blessing from God and this timing won’t allow for you to reach out and grab it right now, just let it be. If it is truly from God it will be there when it is meant to be picked up by you; God is control.” ...I love falling in Love with my husband! :-)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Trouble in My Way.....
He will after while...I know He will. If He fixed it for the Israelites as they traveled the Exodus out of Egypt, or for Enoch who was taken before he experienced death, or for Abraham when he tested His Faith by telling Him to sacrifice His son & decided to give Him another choice, or for Job when he lost mostly everything compounded by illness then blessed him later with even more...then I know He will fix it for me after while. So thankful to the Father who lends all hope. The thickness of the walls of trials that are surrounding us right now my direct family so many I know and love outside of that family has been difficult to break trhough, However, My God is bigger and better and stronger than any wall of this fles. I know he will fix it after while. It might not even be in this Life, but this World is not my home anyway, can't wait for Glory land!
I was encouraged to really think about the song Trouble in My Way/"Jesus Will Fix It" when a brother in Christ started incorporating the life stories of people from the bible and their deliverances by God into his singing of this song in a similar way to in which the Lord does in Hebrews 11. Reading through Hebrews 11 and also reflecting on the life of Job was such a source of encouragement to me in this refreshed light. God's word is such a mighty reminder that He truly does have us. (Thanks Bro.Turner, you have encouraged me deeply)
Hebrews 11:13..."All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing he for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
God is a good God!
I was encouraged to really think about the song Trouble in My Way/"Jesus Will Fix It" when a brother in Christ started incorporating the life stories of people from the bible and their deliverances by God into his singing of this song in a similar way to in which the Lord does in Hebrews 11. Reading through Hebrews 11 and also reflecting on the life of Job was such a source of encouragement to me in this refreshed light. God's word is such a mighty reminder that He truly does have us. (Thanks Bro.Turner, you have encouraged me deeply)
Hebrews 11:13..."All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing he for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
God is a good God!
Monday, March 14, 2011
LOVE
The Love of my life was once a strong armed carpenter that healed others, he had legs that could walk across lakes, and eyes that even wept for those he loved, but what drew me to Him out of all the many beautiful things there are to list about Him were the nail marks in his hands....I'm so thankful for His love.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Drawn towards the Light
Did you realize that even when the eyelid is shut the human eye detects a light source & more times than not will gradually cause the head to pull in it's direction. The light affects & impacts the site regardless of the lid covering over it. I want to always strongly seek out the Source of all light from deep within the retina of my soul regardless of my flesh, which stands as it's lid covering. Allowing Him to impact me & shift me towards him always, Jesus, who is Lord...1 John 1:6-8 (NIV) If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
Love and Blessings!
Love and Blessings!
Monday, February 28, 2011
God won't allow me anything HE can't handle!
In light of all the brethren and loved ones I know suffering such tremendously painful, serious, and life changing trials I’ve been thinking more and more about the Father’s awesomeness. God’s power it’s so amazing. He’s always working in spite of these difficulties in hopes that we might allow them to draw us closer to Him. Isn’t that wonderful, our Hope in Him? One day if we never allow our Hand to slip His grip we will dwell with Him in the absence of all of these physical limitations.
But again that will require our clinging to His power. Think about the phrase "God won't allow us anything we can't handle.” Does this really allow us to do that? This can be a very misleading phrase, yet haven't many of us used this phrase or heard it at some point or another in our lives. I myself have used it without fully considering its value. And that’s the danger in just accepting something based on feeling good about it, it must accurately reflect God’s word.
Why is it shared? Often a person will extend it to themselves or to others in hopes that it offers the hearer a sense of empowerment during trials or as a sort of bridge backs from depth of the difficulty or for many it’s just traditionally been passed along for us to consider the voice of reason when feeling weary, but the truth is... Of course God allows things we can't handle.... that’s the point of it all, relying on Him. We need His strength and his alone in the midst of the suffering.
His power alone can bring us back and thru anything. I think where we can go wrong is even believing we are doing any of the "handling' in the first place. We don't handle anything outside of Him. Let us not be mistaken, even for the times in life where the cross carrying seems lighter or in the lives of those who choose not to love Him the way He loves His creation, He’s still right there…. working… and remaining on His thrown mightily handling all of it. It's our choice whether we reap the fruit of His mercies and the benefit of allowing these things to bring us near to Him. And the more the Word of God reminds me of this the more my soul is strengthened as my flesh is stirred by it's physical short comings; strengthened by His power. So I’m considering more and more as I wait to be called home this, “God won't allow us anything HE can't handle!” and more importantly when I need the reminder of the assurance of this as I wait in Him I read of it in His beautiful Holy Word ;-)…
2 Corinthians 1:8 8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who RAISES THE DEAD. 10 He has DELIVERED us from such a deadly peril, and he will DELIVER US AGAIN. On him we have set our hope that HE WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER US.
God loves us, as the song sings, 'be strong and courageous. The Lord goes with you each and every day! He'll never forsake you!'
Love and Blessing!
But again that will require our clinging to His power. Think about the phrase "God won't allow us anything we can't handle.” Does this really allow us to do that? This can be a very misleading phrase, yet haven't many of us used this phrase or heard it at some point or another in our lives. I myself have used it without fully considering its value. And that’s the danger in just accepting something based on feeling good about it, it must accurately reflect God’s word.
Why is it shared? Often a person will extend it to themselves or to others in hopes that it offers the hearer a sense of empowerment during trials or as a sort of bridge backs from depth of the difficulty or for many it’s just traditionally been passed along for us to consider the voice of reason when feeling weary, but the truth is... Of course God allows things we can't handle.... that’s the point of it all, relying on Him. We need His strength and his alone in the midst of the suffering.
His power alone can bring us back and thru anything. I think where we can go wrong is even believing we are doing any of the "handling' in the first place. We don't handle anything outside of Him. Let us not be mistaken, even for the times in life where the cross carrying seems lighter or in the lives of those who choose not to love Him the way He loves His creation, He’s still right there…. working… and remaining on His thrown mightily handling all of it. It's our choice whether we reap the fruit of His mercies and the benefit of allowing these things to bring us near to Him. And the more the Word of God reminds me of this the more my soul is strengthened as my flesh is stirred by it's physical short comings; strengthened by His power. So I’m considering more and more as I wait to be called home this, “God won't allow us anything HE can't handle!” and more importantly when I need the reminder of the assurance of this as I wait in Him I read of it in His beautiful Holy Word ;-)…
2 Corinthians 1:8 8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who RAISES THE DEAD. 10 He has DELIVERED us from such a deadly peril, and he will DELIVER US AGAIN. On him we have set our hope that HE WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER US.
God loves us, as the song sings, 'be strong and courageous. The Lord goes with you each and every day! He'll never forsake you!'
Love and Blessing!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Repeat, but still relevant....
In light of the news footage that went out concerning the poor reporter who suffered a debiltating migraine during a live cast and began to have speech disturbances,I wanted to repost this writing from over a year ago. Sorry for the repeat, I simply think it is important for us to get to the bottom of this disease and exposure often prompts that. I hope that her story and my sharing from the mind of what's going on inside the person having the attack can spur us to keep fighting to find a cure. We need to continue looking for the source of what triggers this neurological condition. Find the answers to questions like "What seperates this from a simpler head pain nerve signal?", "Why are these impulses raging in the brain of the sufferer?" and "How can we get them to withdraw,as we grow in our understanding that this illness is more than a headache?"...till then here is my poem again, thanks for reading:
I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck can no longer support the weight of it all. That always sounds the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.
I tried bracing myself, but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling. My brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much. So here I am mumbling, mispronouncing, and interchanging words, letting out groans and moans in hopes that I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again. Praying I'm letting them know I'm in here and yes, I am still holding on to the fight I have inside of me.
But there's more....Uh-oh I think to myself, "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was just there a minute ago” and I wonder how long it will take this time to locate it. So I do as I usually do as if it will bring back it's vision sucessfully and start fumbling around my eye socket for it. Searching for it, just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark waiting till my fingers reach brings it back to me. The vision from it cuts in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters who sees stars appear once they've been hit over the head with something heavy. However this "hit" over the head lacks such simplistic humor and I am more than sure it will take much longer to recover from it.
I am surrounded by help, but I can't even notice anyone else in the room with me. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion. I try to smile because I long to comfort them as they watch things unravel but I can't for long because I need to concentrate. I must try to focus on blocking out all sound so that the it won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. My ears are already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all one sound that doesn't need any blocking. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain.
Somehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial.He reminds me this too will pass.He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.
That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always presenting forth your Love.
Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck can no longer support the weight of it all. That always sounds the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.
I tried bracing myself, but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling. My brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much. So here I am mumbling, mispronouncing, and interchanging words, letting out groans and moans in hopes that I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again. Praying I'm letting them know I'm in here and yes, I am still holding on to the fight I have inside of me.
But there's more....Uh-oh I think to myself, "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was just there a minute ago” and I wonder how long it will take this time to locate it. So I do as I usually do as if it will bring back it's vision sucessfully and start fumbling around my eye socket for it. Searching for it, just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark waiting till my fingers reach brings it back to me. The vision from it cuts in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters who sees stars appear once they've been hit over the head with something heavy. However this "hit" over the head lacks such simplistic humor and I am more than sure it will take much longer to recover from it.
I am surrounded by help, but I can't even notice anyone else in the room with me. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion. I try to smile because I long to comfort them as they watch things unravel but I can't for long because I need to concentrate. I must try to focus on blocking out all sound so that the it won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. My ears are already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all one sound that doesn't need any blocking. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain.
Somehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial.He reminds me this too will pass.He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.
That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always presenting forth your Love.
Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Friday, February 4, 2011
God's plan not our own.....
Yikes! I haven’t written in months. So much has been going on I just haven’t had the opportunity to put thought to pen tip. As always my hope is that by my sharing my life’s journey at least one person will be able to walk away feeling a little less isolated through their trials. Not because anything I have to share is of value, but rather because God in His greatness has created us in such away that those trial can connect us, if we allow them to. They can also teach us to lean that much harder on His power and not our own.
So bottom line is my health is still stinky. I actually had to stop a part time teaching position I had picked up to supplement our income because I had new complications. That was frustrating, but you have to see the good in every roadblock. I truly believe that God directs our steps and so we yielded to Him in this area. I’m not sure what the tomorrow will bring, but there wasn’t going to be much of one if I kept running myself down the way I was doing. It's less stressful to just stay here in the today knowing God is the one working.
I’m learning more and more that it's really about remembering whom the plan belongs to. Not that this is a new epiphany but I have to give everything over to God for it to truly succeed. For a while I was trying to co-write the plan and that’s just not how it works. I'm not saying we shouldn't be organized or work at everything we can to bring God the glory, but when we start thinking anything we are doing holds any weight to what we accomplish oh we are seriously mistaken. I needed to be reminded of that when more health trials started appearing. I needed to trust and believe anything I do or my husband does, or we do together to support this family is accomplished only thru the Father. And when you literally can't support in a particular way for any particular reason, He still will and can do the accomplishing.
So anyhoo, regardless of how short lived the financial support was on my part it was nice having the opportunity to meet new people and talk about God with them…, which is actually of more value than any check, could provide. So I’m still thankful.
Basically, moving out this way has created a lot of new symptoms. My migraines have escalated to visual disturbances and I am now unable to drive a car whenever they become that severe. I’ve also had a wicked battle with asthma the last several months and boy was I shocked by that. Even though I have had it my whole life it was fairly stabilized for most of my time as an adult and then suddenly it showed back up on my doorstep one brisk autumn’s evening with a vengeance. SO I could only wonder who made my Asthma mad? Man I had forgotten how scary and life threatening this disease is. In general if we are able to wake up each day we really need to count the smaller blessing or the ones we think of less frequently like even being able to breath. Someone asked me recently how has this time been and I said, I’d take my migraine attacks on their own any day, that’s how bad it’s been. That person new it must’ve be taxing because they knew my migraines are nothing short of debilitating. However I felt it warranted the description.
I haven’t been hospitalized in years yet the asthma, combined with some terrible BP issues, and my migraines had all put me down swiftly. Lying in that bed with a migraine and feeling like I couldn’t catch any wind inside of me while my pressure raced out of control made me feel complete and utter exhaustion. I felt like I literally could not endure another problem that related to my health and so I became mentally bankrupt at that time from the toll of everything. Good thing is that God never left me. I had such tremendous support from family and friends and more importantly I felt the love of the Lord through his powerful word. I wanted to post a scripture that I’ve been learning to cling to. Despite our trials despite our struggle and disappointments, whether they are physical or financial whether they are emotional or Spiritual if we claim Jesus as Lord, if we obey His gospel through his Death Burial and Resurrection, by repentance and emersion in baptisms water God had this promise for us and so the rest is nothing in comparison of that. (I encourage you to submit your name where you see the word Jacob and Israel appear. It’s amazing to see how personal the scripture becomes when you take it in personally.):
Isaiah 43:1-5
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west
So bottom line is my health is still stinky. I actually had to stop a part time teaching position I had picked up to supplement our income because I had new complications. That was frustrating, but you have to see the good in every roadblock. I truly believe that God directs our steps and so we yielded to Him in this area. I’m not sure what the tomorrow will bring, but there wasn’t going to be much of one if I kept running myself down the way I was doing. It's less stressful to just stay here in the today knowing God is the one working.
I’m learning more and more that it's really about remembering whom the plan belongs to. Not that this is a new epiphany but I have to give everything over to God for it to truly succeed. For a while I was trying to co-write the plan and that’s just not how it works. I'm not saying we shouldn't be organized or work at everything we can to bring God the glory, but when we start thinking anything we are doing holds any weight to what we accomplish oh we are seriously mistaken. I needed to be reminded of that when more health trials started appearing. I needed to trust and believe anything I do or my husband does, or we do together to support this family is accomplished only thru the Father. And when you literally can't support in a particular way for any particular reason, He still will and can do the accomplishing.
So anyhoo, regardless of how short lived the financial support was on my part it was nice having the opportunity to meet new people and talk about God with them…, which is actually of more value than any check, could provide. So I’m still thankful.
Basically, moving out this way has created a lot of new symptoms. My migraines have escalated to visual disturbances and I am now unable to drive a car whenever they become that severe. I’ve also had a wicked battle with asthma the last several months and boy was I shocked by that. Even though I have had it my whole life it was fairly stabilized for most of my time as an adult and then suddenly it showed back up on my doorstep one brisk autumn’s evening with a vengeance. SO I could only wonder who made my Asthma mad? Man I had forgotten how scary and life threatening this disease is. In general if we are able to wake up each day we really need to count the smaller blessing or the ones we think of less frequently like even being able to breath. Someone asked me recently how has this time been and I said, I’d take my migraine attacks on their own any day, that’s how bad it’s been. That person new it must’ve be taxing because they knew my migraines are nothing short of debilitating. However I felt it warranted the description.
I haven’t been hospitalized in years yet the asthma, combined with some terrible BP issues, and my migraines had all put me down swiftly. Lying in that bed with a migraine and feeling like I couldn’t catch any wind inside of me while my pressure raced out of control made me feel complete and utter exhaustion. I felt like I literally could not endure another problem that related to my health and so I became mentally bankrupt at that time from the toll of everything. Good thing is that God never left me. I had such tremendous support from family and friends and more importantly I felt the love of the Lord through his powerful word. I wanted to post a scripture that I’ve been learning to cling to. Despite our trials despite our struggle and disappointments, whether they are physical or financial whether they are emotional or Spiritual if we claim Jesus as Lord, if we obey His gospel through his Death Burial and Resurrection, by repentance and emersion in baptisms water God had this promise for us and so the rest is nothing in comparison of that. (I encourage you to submit your name where you see the word Jacob and Israel appear. It’s amazing to see how personal the scripture becomes when you take it in personally.):
Isaiah 43:1-5
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west
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