Ever feel your attempts at communicating the emotions that accompany the exhaustion in your heart are just plain feeble? Sometimes it's just beyond your words to express the isolation that your individual experiences can lead you to on those coarser days. There's a sadness that begins to settle when you realize the weather patterns not changing, so you better put on your raincoat and raise your umbrella because this will be a long storm.
I've known those feeling and I've always thanked the Father for teaching me that those feelings are a misconception. They are like illusions. Lies of the heart that the Devil uses to separate us from the Father's loving hand. They cannot and will not reflect the certainty of Joy that comes from resting in the Father's love. Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
Now that's not to say we aren't surrounded by flesh. So for the most part many of us (maybe not all, but for most of us) we'll need to discard the lies of the flesh so that we can press on. Those feelings will come, but the challenge for those of us who believe is to release them and instead cling to what is real & lasting. Philippians 3:3 "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh."
I am always so profoundly impressed when the Father equips me to stand in His love. Job 36:15 "But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction." What a remarkable strength that clearly surpasses my own. A renewal that can only come from a parent's affirming love. No matter what type of up bringing we 've had, no matter who we looked at for parental guidance we were always strongest when we received reassuring love. A great example of that is in Luke 15:20 (The example of the Prodigal Son) "So he got up and went to his father.... But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." What loving mercy.
My Faith deepens each and every time the Lord chooses to personally come down and rescue me, even when it's from myself at times. Isaiah 66:11-16. What protection, what generosity like no other. Don't you just love it when you know sometimes all the aspects of your day were specifically designed to refresh you?... to get you to hold on. To protect your grip from slipping. He doesn't have to do that. He doesn't have to repeatedly demonstrate His love (I mean come one he gave us Jesus already) but he does. Sometimes it's in a babies smile, or your children's laughter, or the Churches' voice singing, or in the pages of the bible, or revealed in answered prayer. Perhaps it's in a hug without words, or a listening ear, or a loved ones forgiveness, or your forgiveness to that loved one. All of it, big and small, a design of love from God. I thank you Father this day. I truly do.
See He doesn't accuse; He doesn't grow impatient; He just reaches down and takes hold of us. Now if that's not giving I don't know what is. That my friends is exactly why I had a wonderful Thanks Giving Holiday.
Love you Daddy!
Philippians 3 (continued...) vs.7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Until the end...
What a privilege it is to hear about the journey other's take in life. Thanks to another blogger, who I visited with multiple times this past two days! (through written word), I was inspired to journal a little today. (Thank you to that special someone for sharing your life with all of us).
How blessed are we, God's creation that is. In an often lonely, overwhelming, frustrating, heavy laden world the Father reaches down his sweet hands to comfort us... And individually for that matter. Wow! What a great effort. Imagine knowing how to perfectly manage each and every one of your relationships with a perfect love that shows no error. The mere thought makes my already fried brain ache, LOL. But Daddy God does indeed do it perfectly. What love, what constant care. Thank you Father Daddy.
Today I read a scripture that I love...1 Chronicles 29:10-13..."Praise be to you, O Lord God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. ...In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give power to all. Now, our God we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name."
To that I say Amen!
Now in that scripture David was sharing, through prayer, all that he can express and all that he is through God's loving hand, but this sentiment reminded me to reflect on Paul. Early on after his conversion Paul came to the realization that life will be full of affliction. He was lead by the Spirit to know this to be the case for him in particular. However, like David, Paul must have had a good understanding of the rewards of God's love. Paul must have trusted God's love for Him and in how it would carry him through. He refused to let anything in this life stop Him from serving the Father. Acts20:24 "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
That is such an awesome example. They both were (Paul and David) when it comes to intimacy with God. I pray I can continually be trained by all I am experiencing here. I pray that God will give me the strength and the passion to constantly step to the side so I can work to share his truths with others. I pray that I might edify and love others...that I may minister to my family and sing his Glorious praises. I pray I hold out and hold on. I had a wonderful prayer today with a Sister who often feels isolated because of the pain she endures. We both experienced God's loving hand by the end of that prayer. We both were able to walk away feeling strengthened and recognizing no matter what we want to fight until the end. I want to be on God's side when the war is over. We might get knocked down a few times during the battle but in the end if we stand firm, if we never forfeit the objective, it will be well worth it.
How blessed are we, God's creation that is. In an often lonely, overwhelming, frustrating, heavy laden world the Father reaches down his sweet hands to comfort us... And individually for that matter. Wow! What a great effort. Imagine knowing how to perfectly manage each and every one of your relationships with a perfect love that shows no error. The mere thought makes my already fried brain ache, LOL. But Daddy God does indeed do it perfectly. What love, what constant care. Thank you Father Daddy.
Today I read a scripture that I love...1 Chronicles 29:10-13..."Praise be to you, O Lord God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. ...In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give power to all. Now, our God we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name."
To that I say Amen!
Now in that scripture David was sharing, through prayer, all that he can express and all that he is through God's loving hand, but this sentiment reminded me to reflect on Paul. Early on after his conversion Paul came to the realization that life will be full of affliction. He was lead by the Spirit to know this to be the case for him in particular. However, like David, Paul must have had a good understanding of the rewards of God's love. Paul must have trusted God's love for Him and in how it would carry him through. He refused to let anything in this life stop Him from serving the Father. Acts20:24 "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
That is such an awesome example. They both were (Paul and David) when it comes to intimacy with God. I pray I can continually be trained by all I am experiencing here. I pray that God will give me the strength and the passion to constantly step to the side so I can work to share his truths with others. I pray that I might edify and love others...that I may minister to my family and sing his Glorious praises. I pray I hold out and hold on. I had a wonderful prayer today with a Sister who often feels isolated because of the pain she endures. We both experienced God's loving hand by the end of that prayer. We both were able to walk away feeling strengthened and recognizing no matter what we want to fight until the end. I want to be on God's side when the war is over. We might get knocked down a few times during the battle but in the end if we stand firm, if we never forfeit the objective, it will be well worth it.
Monday, October 20, 2008
One minute this, the next minute that...thankful to those who stay the same in between it all
What an astounding month it has been, blessed with wonderful family and friends to spur me a long. I spent lots of time and fellowship in the name of “Birthday” this month and it was not only humbling, but also reassuring of Gods love…. I went out multiple times this month with hubby, the kids, and several of my closest girlfriends. Oh, the carefree laughs we had, it was truly Spirit lifting. Sickness often leaves you feeling isolated but I can not capitulate such heart lead emotion knowing I am so richly loved. I praise the Father for all of them.
Let me take this time to leave here an update about my thoughts on the surgery. During one of those blessed outings with one of my girlfriends I went to see a fairly good movie. I could have passed on some of the direction of the movie, but the emphasis on appreciating real love (one that you hold out for) was wonderfully executed… I think I will read the book even though I prefer to do that in the reverse order. Any who, I digress, one of the very small side dialogues that transpired in the movie between the main character and one of his patient’s spouses made me realize where I stand right now.
I am not as acceptant to the idea of surgery as I had thought I was becoming. This wasn’t some revelation at the movie theater. I had been wavering on it for weeks since not too many surgeons are listed as preforming it as of yet. I asked God to make it clear what I should do for the duration. I believe He did that for me through not only this movie, but more importantly from the encouragement and advice of several love ones. Hubby, my amazing rock, was in support of either decision so to that end, I’m not too disappointed. To be frank I was more enthused about the break through of new options for this chronic condition then the timeframe it could be preformed. We’ll see in the future if the Lord will lead me back to this.
In the meantime, the good news (well not good, but informative) is that the neck MRI, showed something. Two bulging disk, some curvature issues, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. (I stopped listening for a while.) It was like she became one of Charlie Brown's teachers talking. I didn't care about all the words; it was just nice someone affirmed that there was a problem. It was not the cause of my migraines as I had hope she would conclude, but at least I now know I need to be more careful with the neck. Apparently it is not uncommon for migraine sufferers to spasm in that area due to all the extra swelling that goes on. Similar to my back issues, the key will be better maintenance as to prevent further injury. To help that a long I was given a script to start physical therapy A.S.A.P. (my sweet doctor thinking I live in a perfect world, ha!ha!ha! I’ll still need to work out the kinks of “stay at home Mom/hubby works in Manhattan” to see how that will get done.) Nevertheless, I’m not going to stress over it.
We waste so much time on the unimportant things. Not that we shouldn’t make every effort to get ourselves healthy but I meant more so the customary things. I don't want the tedious things to be what drives me. Too many of us find ourselves concentrating all our energies maneuvering life in these shells we call our bodies and then getting frustrated when they fail or betray us. All of that serves as a growing reminder that these bodies won’t be our eternal dwellings. (Thank God for that, I’m spent.) I am anticipating something greater.
God has made promises to us based on a better existence. When he brings me to Heaven He’ll take care of all the rest. I look forward to that (when ever that turns out to be). I don't mean to sound morbit but I often pray to the Father, "Lord I'm ready," but another good girlfriend this "birthday month" gave me a beautiful card in somewhat oposition of that. I won't share what was in it, however I will say this, she encouraged me to celebrate while I'm still here. To continue to cherish the time I have sharing God's word and spending time with the loved ones He has provided for me. Not only is that just what I plan on doing, but she and a couple of other folks I love dearly block my prayers anyway, hee!hee!(... not the prayers when I long for Jesus return, we all want that, just the part about me trying to leave here quicker. I haven't created too many fans with that line of praying no matter how hard I try, smile.)
In all seriousness, the Father's really been helping me to welcome the ups and downs that come in my life, to stop focusing on the disadvantages my health gives us, and concentrate on the good times I share with loved ones. Let me now also thank you Lord for this special "birthday" month, for my life, for keeping me here to celebrate.... Those heart lead prayers when I try to get Him to take me sooner are actually selfish. I don't say it out loud often enough but I love my hubby, my girls, my family, and my sweet girlfriends. That might not take all the pains away but it sure taste like sweet medicine in the meantime.
Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Thank you to all my sweet team members, for loving me, for believing in me, for honoring me, and for standing with me through it all! You guys rock!
Let me take this time to leave here an update about my thoughts on the surgery. During one of those blessed outings with one of my girlfriends I went to see a fairly good movie. I could have passed on some of the direction of the movie, but the emphasis on appreciating real love (one that you hold out for) was wonderfully executed… I think I will read the book even though I prefer to do that in the reverse order. Any who, I digress, one of the very small side dialogues that transpired in the movie between the main character and one of his patient’s spouses made me realize where I stand right now.
I am not as acceptant to the idea of surgery as I had thought I was becoming. This wasn’t some revelation at the movie theater. I had been wavering on it for weeks since not too many surgeons are listed as preforming it as of yet. I asked God to make it clear what I should do for the duration. I believe He did that for me through not only this movie, but more importantly from the encouragement and advice of several love ones. Hubby, my amazing rock, was in support of either decision so to that end, I’m not too disappointed. To be frank I was more enthused about the break through of new options for this chronic condition then the timeframe it could be preformed. We’ll see in the future if the Lord will lead me back to this.
In the meantime, the good news (well not good, but informative) is that the neck MRI, showed something. Two bulging disk, some curvature issues, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. (I stopped listening for a while.) It was like she became one of Charlie Brown's teachers talking. I didn't care about all the words; it was just nice someone affirmed that there was a problem. It was not the cause of my migraines as I had hope she would conclude, but at least I now know I need to be more careful with the neck. Apparently it is not uncommon for migraine sufferers to spasm in that area due to all the extra swelling that goes on. Similar to my back issues, the key will be better maintenance as to prevent further injury. To help that a long I was given a script to start physical therapy A.S.A.P. (my sweet doctor thinking I live in a perfect world, ha!ha!ha! I’ll still need to work out the kinks of “stay at home Mom/hubby works in Manhattan” to see how that will get done.) Nevertheless, I’m not going to stress over it.
We waste so much time on the unimportant things. Not that we shouldn’t make every effort to get ourselves healthy but I meant more so the customary things. I don't want the tedious things to be what drives me. Too many of us find ourselves concentrating all our energies maneuvering life in these shells we call our bodies and then getting frustrated when they fail or betray us. All of that serves as a growing reminder that these bodies won’t be our eternal dwellings. (Thank God for that, I’m spent.) I am anticipating something greater.
God has made promises to us based on a better existence. When he brings me to Heaven He’ll take care of all the rest. I look forward to that (when ever that turns out to be). I don't mean to sound morbit but I often pray to the Father, "Lord I'm ready," but another good girlfriend this "birthday month" gave me a beautiful card in somewhat oposition of that. I won't share what was in it, however I will say this, she encouraged me to celebrate while I'm still here. To continue to cherish the time I have sharing God's word and spending time with the loved ones He has provided for me. Not only is that just what I plan on doing, but she and a couple of other folks I love dearly block my prayers anyway, hee!hee!(... not the prayers when I long for Jesus return, we all want that, just the part about me trying to leave here quicker. I haven't created too many fans with that line of praying no matter how hard I try, smile.)
In all seriousness, the Father's really been helping me to welcome the ups and downs that come in my life, to stop focusing on the disadvantages my health gives us, and concentrate on the good times I share with loved ones. Let me now also thank you Lord for this special "birthday" month, for my life, for keeping me here to celebrate.... Those heart lead prayers when I try to get Him to take me sooner are actually selfish. I don't say it out loud often enough but I love my hubby, my girls, my family, and my sweet girlfriends. That might not take all the pains away but it sure taste like sweet medicine in the meantime.
Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Thank you to all my sweet team members, for loving me, for believing in me, for honoring me, and for standing with me through it all! You guys rock!
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Road to Possibilities, Often Narrow but Worthy!
Wow.
It’s been so long. Before I get into the new things I'm exploring concering my health; can I just side track for a moment and mention HS. I am so excited about this school year. What a wonderful time I’m having with my girls. We have gone ahead and introduced a new teaching aid to our daily activities, but for the most part I am still handling the majority of instruction myself. It seems much calmer for us this year. Calm and easy are two different words. There are still many steps a long the way, but I am feeling a lot more confidant in my decision to continue home education despite my health problems. I have a wonderful support system and I've recieved so much good advice about how to serve them unconventionally when the world teaches you to think success is found by conventional methods alone. We’ll see how things are in a month or two, when we start pulling out our hair. (smile.)
Jokes aside, I am really journaling today about hope. It’s something no one else can ever take from you as long as it’s based on God’s promises. I am so excited because I am researching a new procedure for migraine sufferers. It might involve multiple surgeries but any one who knows me knows the fact that I am even willing to consider this means a new day has come. I have to say 8 years is a long time to go without many options outside of medications and dark rooms. So this seems promising. I’ve been in deep prayer about it and I really feel God is making clear what active roll I need to play in finding out if I’m a candidate. There are a couple of down sides to this, the Hospital is in another state, there is clearly a waiting list as there are only a handful of Doctors performing this procedure at this time, and not to mention it might not be covered through insurance but I have to try. I also have to allow God to give me the strength to be a part of the process when there are so many other things going on. This could take weeks, months, or even years to work out but I trust Daddy God in the decisions he makes for my life so I’ll wait.
First step is asking my Neuro if she has any knowledge of this new technique and respecting all her answers in regard to it. Sometimes like a child with candy you don’t want anyone taking your options away, but she has been a huge support to my healing. I am going to hold on to that when she speaks. I have a follow up with her for a neck MRI so we’ll see what she says. Ironically the procedure involves the neck and she and I are exploring the neck at the moment anyway so I’m excited. Good or bad, my joy is not in this world and my hope remains in Him.
Psalm 13:4-6 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
It’s been so long. Before I get into the new things I'm exploring concering my health; can I just side track for a moment and mention HS. I am so excited about this school year. What a wonderful time I’m having with my girls. We have gone ahead and introduced a new teaching aid to our daily activities, but for the most part I am still handling the majority of instruction myself. It seems much calmer for us this year. Calm and easy are two different words. There are still many steps a long the way, but I am feeling a lot more confidant in my decision to continue home education despite my health problems. I have a wonderful support system and I've recieved so much good advice about how to serve them unconventionally when the world teaches you to think success is found by conventional methods alone. We’ll see how things are in a month or two, when we start pulling out our hair. (smile.)
Jokes aside, I am really journaling today about hope. It’s something no one else can ever take from you as long as it’s based on God’s promises. I am so excited because I am researching a new procedure for migraine sufferers. It might involve multiple surgeries but any one who knows me knows the fact that I am even willing to consider this means a new day has come. I have to say 8 years is a long time to go without many options outside of medications and dark rooms. So this seems promising. I’ve been in deep prayer about it and I really feel God is making clear what active roll I need to play in finding out if I’m a candidate. There are a couple of down sides to this, the Hospital is in another state, there is clearly a waiting list as there are only a handful of Doctors performing this procedure at this time, and not to mention it might not be covered through insurance but I have to try. I also have to allow God to give me the strength to be a part of the process when there are so many other things going on. This could take weeks, months, or even years to work out but I trust Daddy God in the decisions he makes for my life so I’ll wait.
First step is asking my Neuro if she has any knowledge of this new technique and respecting all her answers in regard to it. Sometimes like a child with candy you don’t want anyone taking your options away, but she has been a huge support to my healing. I am going to hold on to that when she speaks. I have a follow up with her for a neck MRI so we’ll see what she says. Ironically the procedure involves the neck and she and I are exploring the neck at the moment anyway so I’m excited. Good or bad, my joy is not in this world and my hope remains in Him.
Psalm 13:4-6 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Tah Tah for Now!
The past couple of weeks have been difficult. I’ve been in a lot of pain and because of that I’ve been feeling mostly funky, but thankfully we don’t get to Heaven because of our feelings. Christ set a loving example for us concerning Endurance. This is what we use despite how we're feeling to help us run the race to obtain the Spiritual goal of Heaven.
There is so much behind the word Endurance. My quite time this morning was a good opportunity to reflect on how much power lies in that word. I found some excellent definitions on Accurate and Reliable Dictionary’s website as I studied Romans 15 and Colossians 1…
Here are a few of those definitions:
- The act of bearing or suffering; a continuing under pain or distress without resistance, (That’s so important/ letting go and letting God.) without being overcome; sufferance; patience. (...another key component to genuine endurance.)
- The power to withstand hardship or stress; ex:"the marathon tests a runner’s endurance" (“Testing” that is something that as long as we lie in the flesh we will constantly undergo. We must be refined.)
- A state of surviving, remaining alive (…Oh they're “Preaching to the choir" as the say, concerning this one; some days that is truly all I am trying to do all I can do…through God of course.)
I want to pull out some buzz words and phrases from the listing above: CONTINUING, WITHOUT RESISTANCE, WITHOUT BEING OVERCOME, POWER TO WITHSTAND, SURVIVING, REMAINING ALIVE.
Endurance requires a fuel source for these things to happen. If that fuel source becomes depleted we must look to replace it or else will never finish the race. From a physical stand point, the free Encyclopedia, Wikipedia states various ways we become depleted, "The need for sleep, the buildup of non-recyclable waste chemicals, the depletion of convertible energy stores and other needed chemicals (e.g., water, sodium), physical injury, psychological failure, or attainment of the goal will bring the effort to an end." Therefore we need to rely on God, who provides an over abundant source of energy for us to utilize as we strive to attain the goal. We allow Him to accomplish victory in us when our endurance leads to Hope. Endurance is nothing without Hope. In fact the Father through his marvelous word often pairs the two together. Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have Hope. Romans15: 13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
So my hope is this, as long as breath flows through my body, I pray I will continue on this journey. I have two desires as I reach for that attainment. Both that require constant refueling. One: that I may always live for my Daddy God and two: that I will never allow the physical blockers to prematurely end my race. Instead, I pray I stop only at the attainment of the goal, my Sweet Home with God in Heaven. As a side note: Home School will be starting soon. I am excited about the New Year but I am sure that means I will rarely be on here. Nonetheless, I am going to hold myself to the commitment to write (whether it’s through blogging or just at home on paper, I will make time for this). In the meanwhile, if it takes some time to hear from me again, please know it has been an enjoyable experience sharing my internal dialogue with others. Romans 15:5-6 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God bless!
Pressing forward through Him,
T.J.
There is so much behind the word Endurance. My quite time this morning was a good opportunity to reflect on how much power lies in that word. I found some excellent definitions on Accurate and Reliable Dictionary’s website as I studied Romans 15 and Colossians 1…
Here are a few of those definitions:
- The act of bearing or suffering; a continuing under pain or distress without resistance, (That’s so important/ letting go and letting God.) without being overcome; sufferance; patience. (...another key component to genuine endurance.)
- The power to withstand hardship or stress; ex:"the marathon tests a runner’s endurance" (“Testing” that is something that as long as we lie in the flesh we will constantly undergo. We must be refined.)
- A state of surviving, remaining alive (…Oh they're “Preaching to the choir" as the say, concerning this one; some days that is truly all I am trying to do all I can do…through God of course.)
I want to pull out some buzz words and phrases from the listing above: CONTINUING, WITHOUT RESISTANCE, WITHOUT BEING OVERCOME, POWER TO WITHSTAND, SURVIVING, REMAINING ALIVE.
Endurance requires a fuel source for these things to happen. If that fuel source becomes depleted we must look to replace it or else will never finish the race. From a physical stand point, the free Encyclopedia, Wikipedia states various ways we become depleted, "The need for sleep, the buildup of non-recyclable waste chemicals, the depletion of convertible energy stores and other needed chemicals (e.g., water, sodium), physical injury, psychological failure, or attainment of the goal will bring the effort to an end." Therefore we need to rely on God, who provides an over abundant source of energy for us to utilize as we strive to attain the goal. We allow Him to accomplish victory in us when our endurance leads to Hope. Endurance is nothing without Hope. In fact the Father through his marvelous word often pairs the two together. Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have Hope. Romans15: 13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
So my hope is this, as long as breath flows through my body, I pray I will continue on this journey. I have two desires as I reach for that attainment. Both that require constant refueling. One: that I may always live for my Daddy God and two: that I will never allow the physical blockers to prematurely end my race. Instead, I pray I stop only at the attainment of the goal, my Sweet Home with God in Heaven. As a side note: Home School will be starting soon. I am excited about the New Year but I am sure that means I will rarely be on here. Nonetheless, I am going to hold myself to the commitment to write (whether it’s through blogging or just at home on paper, I will make time for this). In the meanwhile, if it takes some time to hear from me again, please know it has been an enjoyable experience sharing my internal dialogue with others. Romans 15:5-6 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God bless!
Pressing forward through Him,
T.J.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Father Knows Best
Giving out discipline's no fun for the Lord but it’s a necessity to train his children. He does it because He loves us. He knows what’s best. No matter how difficult it may be, He’ll use what ever He must to shape and mold us. After several days of good health, I needed the reminder again that I am not in control of my life. In his perfect disciplining process He gave me that reminder when I went "down for the count' Sunday night. God bless Hubby for staying home with me on Monday. I went from one extreme of health to the other, falling flat on my face. Flat on our face is where we need to be anyway, in order to submit to the Father’s control over our lives.
Like most families in our nation, our household is under going various trials. Recently, those trials have lead my wheels to start spinning overtime. I've been allowing myself to consider several ways that I (key word “I” not God) could be useful in helping alleviate some of the pressure of these situations. Their not bad things, but many are not necessarily beneficial. "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial." That's been a big mistake; running ahead of God in this situation.
In reflection, I am so thankful for his mercies. For training me that I need to take it down a notch, pray, and just conform to where He is leading us. That's often difficult but it's worth it in the end. I mean think about it, would you walk up to the Captain of a ship and say, "Scoot over, I've come up with some new coordinates that will get us to the destination faster."!? Of course not, so why do it to our Captain God. (Is anyone noting my obsession with the Sea when I'm blogging/Love boat anyone?....jokes aside,) When we get out of the way and allow our plans to flow according to ”His time” then we can be at peace concerning our plans. That reminds me of the song “A different Road” … 'I’ve run ahead…I’ve gone to slow. I’ve got to be still now, wait upon His will now, this time it’s going to be His time.'
My nature is combative of that; my mind has always been too black and white. I look to assess a situation, come up with a plan of attack, and execute it. However, things shouldn't’t be made to seem so simple. Many of us would then believe the lie that we are self-reliant. Perhaps even forfeit our Spiritual inheritance; assuming this nonsense is all that life is about. Therefore, lovingly, God has used illness the past eight years to protect me from that. (Sometimes God puts my flesh down so hard… that I cannot literally catch my breath to let out sound to cry from the pain, but I thank Him for it. Call me crazy but it trains me.)
Now don’t get it twisted, like most children who ask for a different form of discipline (ex: “Can I stand in the corner instead of not playing my video games?) I’d love a new form of training but I can’t pretend this one isn’t working. It’s hard to endure at times but it's discipline, good Godly discipline and I am made a better person for it. It’s taught me so much about me & My Daddy and our very real & lasting bond. It’s also taught my husband and I how to bond. The more we undergo, the more we value each other. I appreciate his perspective. When my husband looks at the mountain of trials before us, he doesn’t try to become the solution but rather be used in the solution process, and then he waits for God to handle it. That’s what I am learning to do. Wait.
Psalm 37:5-7 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him....
Like most families in our nation, our household is under going various trials. Recently, those trials have lead my wheels to start spinning overtime. I've been allowing myself to consider several ways that I (key word “I” not God) could be useful in helping alleviate some of the pressure of these situations. Their not bad things, but many are not necessarily beneficial. "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial." That's been a big mistake; running ahead of God in this situation.
In reflection, I am so thankful for his mercies. For training me that I need to take it down a notch, pray, and just conform to where He is leading us. That's often difficult but it's worth it in the end. I mean think about it, would you walk up to the Captain of a ship and say, "Scoot over, I've come up with some new coordinates that will get us to the destination faster."!? Of course not, so why do it to our Captain God. (Is anyone noting my obsession with the Sea when I'm blogging/Love boat anyone?....jokes aside,) When we get out of the way and allow our plans to flow according to ”His time” then we can be at peace concerning our plans. That reminds me of the song “A different Road” … 'I’ve run ahead…I’ve gone to slow. I’ve got to be still now, wait upon His will now, this time it’s going to be His time.'
My nature is combative of that; my mind has always been too black and white. I look to assess a situation, come up with a plan of attack, and execute it. However, things shouldn't’t be made to seem so simple. Many of us would then believe the lie that we are self-reliant. Perhaps even forfeit our Spiritual inheritance; assuming this nonsense is all that life is about. Therefore, lovingly, God has used illness the past eight years to protect me from that. (Sometimes God puts my flesh down so hard… that I cannot literally catch my breath to let out sound to cry from the pain, but I thank Him for it. Call me crazy but it trains me.)
Now don’t get it twisted, like most children who ask for a different form of discipline (ex: “Can I stand in the corner instead of not playing my video games?) I’d love a new form of training but I can’t pretend this one isn’t working. It’s hard to endure at times but it's discipline, good Godly discipline and I am made a better person for it. It’s taught me so much about me & My Daddy and our very real & lasting bond. It’s also taught my husband and I how to bond. The more we undergo, the more we value each other. I appreciate his perspective. When my husband looks at the mountain of trials before us, he doesn’t try to become the solution but rather be used in the solution process, and then he waits for God to handle it. That’s what I am learning to do. Wait.
Psalm 37:5-7 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him....
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Love Boat, Something exciting for everyone
Instead of going to sleep last night, you know what I did? I went on a cruise boat and to a beautiful Island. Well, in my mind anyway. I stayed up late watching old episodes of “The Love Boat” and clips of “Fantasy Island”. It was great.
I don’t know where it’s written but there’s some handbook, somewhere., that says, when you are in your thirties you must have some sort of midlife crisis. (No matter the size and no matter if anybody knows, you just have to have it.) Thankfully mine is starting off small in diameter. It’s been manifesting itself in the form of a strong urge to watch all things 70’s on the computer.
I now even have Hubby involved with my madness, having him rent Wonder Woman on DVD for me any chance he gets. He was the one that lovingly broke the news to me that I wasn’t going to gain back time no matter how many episodes I watched…. Ouch! I appreciate his honesty but can’t I just relish the moment a little while longer, smile. It's not even that I really want to go back there, you just appreciate more how time stops for no man. That's why you have to live life fully. I’m partly being silly, but it’s been a fun summer checking out these older shows. We don't get much time watching the "tube" (showing my age again) when the Home School Year starts.
Perhaps I can write something more meaningful later in the week but for now let me just end by sharing a quick story. Daddy God is so sweet, so good, and so perfect. He got myself and two other sisters with health issues through a very encouraging week of service for VBS. The three of us had a blast together. Now you might wonder and I hope not, “Well what’s so grand about that?” it’s grand because He’s so powerful…a few days earlier one of those two Sisters and I were on the phone praying/crying because we were both in so much physical pain and He answered us. He wiped our eyes, put on our band-aids, and sent us off. My point is, don’t give up praying. He is listening no matter what, just remain in petition. 1 Samuel 1:15-17: I was pouring out my soul to the LORD…. I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief…. Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."
I don’t know where it’s written but there’s some handbook, somewhere., that says, when you are in your thirties you must have some sort of midlife crisis. (No matter the size and no matter if anybody knows, you just have to have it.) Thankfully mine is starting off small in diameter. It’s been manifesting itself in the form of a strong urge to watch all things 70’s on the computer.
I now even have Hubby involved with my madness, having him rent Wonder Woman on DVD for me any chance he gets. He was the one that lovingly broke the news to me that I wasn’t going to gain back time no matter how many episodes I watched…. Ouch! I appreciate his honesty but can’t I just relish the moment a little while longer, smile. It's not even that I really want to go back there, you just appreciate more how time stops for no man. That's why you have to live life fully. I’m partly being silly, but it’s been a fun summer checking out these older shows. We don't get much time watching the "tube" (showing my age again) when the Home School Year starts.
Perhaps I can write something more meaningful later in the week but for now let me just end by sharing a quick story. Daddy God is so sweet, so good, and so perfect. He got myself and two other sisters with health issues through a very encouraging week of service for VBS. The three of us had a blast together. Now you might wonder and I hope not, “Well what’s so grand about that?” it’s grand because He’s so powerful…a few days earlier one of those two Sisters and I were on the phone praying/crying because we were both in so much physical pain and He answered us. He wiped our eyes, put on our band-aids, and sent us off. My point is, don’t give up praying. He is listening no matter what, just remain in petition. 1 Samuel 1:15-17: I was pouring out my soul to the LORD…. I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief…. Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Love, the best medicine:
Wow! This morning I woke up with crushing pain in my head (chronic migraines), neck pain (bad back), and complete exhaustion (hypohomocysteinemia) and thought, “Oh what a nasty day physically this will be”. However, my insides suggested differently as His Spirit reminded me to feel joy. Daddy God saw fit to raise me to life on this Day. So once again, today I choose joy. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like crap but it won’t rob me of my joy. What made things more complicated is that I have a ladies fellowship this evening at my home and poor hubby had to go off to work so very early. Thankfully, that OCD of mine (which is not always a blessing) kicked in high gear last night and so I cleaned from top to bottom and prepared everything in advance. Also, I am blessed to have very understanding, loving relationships in God’s kingdom, whom each show me tremendous support on my off days. So (by the grace of God) I’ll be fine.
I think my biggest concern this morning was more so hubby. He is an amazing man. We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 13 &1/2 (got to count the half ;-) ). He is such a source of strength and support for our family and I just long for the day he can get some rest. Like a double-edged sword I recognize the blessing and the training this time of testing is producing for both of our lives, but I also know the toil it takes on him to rise up at 3:30 most mornings only to return in the late evening and minister to us. I am learning to follow his example in his passionate trust of the Lord; I know that this two shall pass.
Ironically, or Spirit purposed, which ever way you want to look at it, Bible gateway’s scripture of the day derives from the same chapter of the bible that we are using to prepare for an upcoming Women’s day at Church. Therefore, I just decided to run with the correlation and make that my quiet time for the day. Good choice I must say (Luke 12)! It reminded me that all though it can be challenging being a single income family, battling a couple of financial ups and downs, we are so truly blessed in that our treasures are not stored in this world. Hubby and I have been poor in every sense of the word and we’ve lived in abundance, and we’ve lived in this place now, (getting by on God’s hands alone) but overall we’ve remained in love. Ah love! One of the greatest treasures you actually can carry over to Heaven. So though my heart might be a little sad and my body in a little pain, and his body a little tired, I rejoice that we are experiencing things together. Luke 13:34, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
God bless!
I think my biggest concern this morning was more so hubby. He is an amazing man. We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 13 &1/2 (got to count the half ;-) ). He is such a source of strength and support for our family and I just long for the day he can get some rest. Like a double-edged sword I recognize the blessing and the training this time of testing is producing for both of our lives, but I also know the toil it takes on him to rise up at 3:30 most mornings only to return in the late evening and minister to us. I am learning to follow his example in his passionate trust of the Lord; I know that this two shall pass.
Ironically, or Spirit purposed, which ever way you want to look at it, Bible gateway’s scripture of the day derives from the same chapter of the bible that we are using to prepare for an upcoming Women’s day at Church. Therefore, I just decided to run with the correlation and make that my quiet time for the day. Good choice I must say (Luke 12)! It reminded me that all though it can be challenging being a single income family, battling a couple of financial ups and downs, we are so truly blessed in that our treasures are not stored in this world. Hubby and I have been poor in every sense of the word and we’ve lived in abundance, and we’ve lived in this place now, (getting by on God’s hands alone) but overall we’ve remained in love. Ah love! One of the greatest treasures you actually can carry over to Heaven. So though my heart might be a little sad and my body in a little pain, and his body a little tired, I rejoice that we are experiencing things together. Luke 13:34, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
God bless!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Refresh yourself through written word...
Disclaimer: I am not a professional blogger :)...I cannot believe I finally stopped in the moment to start this venture. I am ready. My prayer is that I can encourage just one other person by sharing my experiences. I also look forward to the impact reading what other people share will have on my Soul.
Between, church activities, family activities, doctor’s visits, home schooling, dance class, health problems, and keeping the home, I thought this time would never come. I often thought to myself, “…(with my terrible OCD and over planning of each day), who has time for blogging!!?” However, I now recognize it is no longer an option but instead a requirement.
Writing is so therapeutic; the power of written word is remarkable. It frees the soul and challenges the mind. It helps us take the time to remember who we are and where we are going. This world is so fast pace, “do this”, “do that”, “be here”, “be there”, “look at this”, and “look at that”, it’s never ending. No wonder we get tired, over committed, envious, and burnt out. If we plan to stay talented at organizing our families and helping them execute their own days, then we have to stay on top of ministering to our own needs. Writing things down can help that. We have to stop and take the time to organize our own thought process.
This has always been a challenge for me. God is training me to think differently about ‘taking out time for self’. In the past I would find myself too guilt-ridden to set personal goals. I worried that my sickness was already taking up so much time from the family that I thought it a crime to spend energy on my own interest. I exhausted myself overcompensating, spending all my energies on their needs and ignoring my own. Then I would get burnt out. FYI, that’s not humility that’s just plain old pride. Silly human. I thank God for hindsight; God is training me to know that I do not need to create my own disciplines, nor does he want me to trade discipline for punishment by neglecting myself. Instead I am to be a part of a disciplined lifestyle; I too can be part of the importance of the day. In fact, without valuing the importance that God himself has placed on our individual lives, we will be useless to others.
Okay well, that’s all for now, sorry so much so soon, but had to start somewhere. God bless.
PS: Get to know me...Here are some of my goals:
Between, church activities, family activities, doctor’s visits, home schooling, dance class, health problems, and keeping the home, I thought this time would never come. I often thought to myself, “…(with my terrible OCD and over planning of each day), who has time for blogging!!?” However, I now recognize it is no longer an option but instead a requirement.
Writing is so therapeutic; the power of written word is remarkable. It frees the soul and challenges the mind. It helps us take the time to remember who we are and where we are going. This world is so fast pace, “do this”, “do that”, “be here”, “be there”, “look at this”, and “look at that”, it’s never ending. No wonder we get tired, over committed, envious, and burnt out. If we plan to stay talented at organizing our families and helping them execute their own days, then we have to stay on top of ministering to our own needs. Writing things down can help that. We have to stop and take the time to organize our own thought process.
This has always been a challenge for me. God is training me to think differently about ‘taking out time for self’. In the past I would find myself too guilt-ridden to set personal goals. I worried that my sickness was already taking up so much time from the family that I thought it a crime to spend energy on my own interest. I exhausted myself overcompensating, spending all my energies on their needs and ignoring my own. Then I would get burnt out. FYI, that’s not humility that’s just plain old pride. Silly human. I thank God for hindsight; God is training me to know that I do not need to create my own disciplines, nor does he want me to trade discipline for punishment by neglecting myself. Instead I am to be a part of a disciplined lifestyle; I too can be part of the importance of the day. In fact, without valuing the importance that God himself has placed on our individual lives, we will be useless to others.
Okay well, that’s all for now, sorry so much so soon, but had to start somewhere. God bless.
PS: Get to know me...Here are some of my goals:
- Explore avenues on how to become more involved with Cancer and Migraine Research perhaps build a website (...dabbling in it but not where I want to be)
- Write Music (...finish the c.d I've been making for the past two years)
- Dance Again (...I love dance as a form of expression)
- Learn the Guitar (..another venture, I've been undertaking for two years ;-) )
- Read More/laugh more/explore more
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