In light of all the brethren and loved ones I know suffering such tremendously painful, serious, and life changing trials I’ve been thinking more and more about the Father’s awesomeness. God’s power it’s so amazing. He’s always working in spite of these difficulties in hopes that we might allow them to draw us closer to Him. Isn’t that wonderful, our Hope in Him? One day if we never allow our Hand to slip His grip we will dwell with Him in the absence of all of these physical limitations.
But again that will require our clinging to His power. Think about the phrase "God won't allow us anything we can't handle.” Does this really allow us to do that? This can be a very misleading phrase, yet haven't many of us used this phrase or heard it at some point or another in our lives. I myself have used it without fully considering its value. And that’s the danger in just accepting something based on feeling good about it, it must accurately reflect God’s word.
Why is it shared? Often a person will extend it to themselves or to others in hopes that it offers the hearer a sense of empowerment during trials or as a sort of bridge backs from depth of the difficulty or for many it’s just traditionally been passed along for us to consider the voice of reason when feeling weary, but the truth is... Of course God allows things we can't handle.... that’s the point of it all, relying on Him. We need His strength and his alone in the midst of the suffering.
His power alone can bring us back and thru anything. I think where we can go wrong is even believing we are doing any of the "handling' in the first place. We don't handle anything outside of Him. Let us not be mistaken, even for the times in life where the cross carrying seems lighter or in the lives of those who choose not to love Him the way He loves His creation, He’s still right there…. working… and remaining on His thrown mightily handling all of it. It's our choice whether we reap the fruit of His mercies and the benefit of allowing these things to bring us near to Him. And the more the Word of God reminds me of this the more my soul is strengthened as my flesh is stirred by it's physical short comings; strengthened by His power. So I’m considering more and more as I wait to be called home this, “God won't allow us anything HE can't handle!” and more importantly when I need the reminder of the assurance of this as I wait in Him I read of it in His beautiful Holy Word ;-)…
2 Corinthians 1:8 8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who RAISES THE DEAD. 10 He has DELIVERED us from such a deadly peril, and he will DELIVER US AGAIN. On him we have set our hope that HE WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER US.
God loves us, as the song sings, 'be strong and courageous. The Lord goes with you each and every day! He'll never forsake you!'
Love and Blessing!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Repeat, but still relevant....
In light of the news footage that went out concerning the poor reporter who suffered a debiltating migraine during a live cast and began to have speech disturbances,I wanted to repost this writing from over a year ago. Sorry for the repeat, I simply think it is important for us to get to the bottom of this disease and exposure often prompts that. I hope that her story and my sharing from the mind of what's going on inside the person having the attack can spur us to keep fighting to find a cure. We need to continue looking for the source of what triggers this neurological condition. Find the answers to questions like "What seperates this from a simpler head pain nerve signal?", "Why are these impulses raging in the brain of the sufferer?" and "How can we get them to withdraw,as we grow in our understanding that this illness is more than a headache?"...till then here is my poem again, thanks for reading:
I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck can no longer support the weight of it all. That always sounds the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.
I tried bracing myself, but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling. My brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much. So here I am mumbling, mispronouncing, and interchanging words, letting out groans and moans in hopes that I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again. Praying I'm letting them know I'm in here and yes, I am still holding on to the fight I have inside of me.
But there's more....Uh-oh I think to myself, "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was just there a minute ago” and I wonder how long it will take this time to locate it. So I do as I usually do as if it will bring back it's vision sucessfully and start fumbling around my eye socket for it. Searching for it, just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark waiting till my fingers reach brings it back to me. The vision from it cuts in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters who sees stars appear once they've been hit over the head with something heavy. However this "hit" over the head lacks such simplistic humor and I am more than sure it will take much longer to recover from it.
I am surrounded by help, but I can't even notice anyone else in the room with me. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion. I try to smile because I long to comfort them as they watch things unravel but I can't for long because I need to concentrate. I must try to focus on blocking out all sound so that the it won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. My ears are already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all one sound that doesn't need any blocking. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain.
Somehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial.He reminds me this too will pass.He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.
That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always presenting forth your Love.
Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
I awoke couldn't lift my head...there it was again... it pulled at the back of my eyes locking them to the bed like a magnet. The parts that explode inside my head seem to make it triple in size and my neck can no longer support the weight of it all. That always sounds the alarm for something to signal a rush of nausea to begin flowing throughout my stomach. It climbed the scale of my entire belly like an ocean that begins peaking during a storm.
I tried bracing myself, but the tidal wave impacted all of my body’s defenses, hitting first the skull, then the neck, then the eyes, back down into my stomach until I could only stumble to and fro. What's this now? I can't even speak about what I’m feeling. My brain knows the words that it wants to form, but it doesn't seem to remember the alphabet right now let alone recall the ability to push forth my tongue into an articulation. That would be too much. So here I am mumbling, mispronouncing, and interchanging words, letting out groans and moans in hopes that I am letting someone near by know that it’s happening again. Praying I'm letting them know I'm in here and yes, I am still holding on to the fight I have inside of me.
But there's more....Uh-oh I think to myself, "Where'd my left eye go!!!??? I know it was just there a minute ago” and I wonder how long it will take this time to locate it. So I do as I usually do as if it will bring back it's vision sucessfully and start fumbling around my eye socket for it. Searching for it, just the same as someone might search for something they’ve misplaced on their bedroom nightstand in the dark waiting till my fingers reach brings it back to me. The vision from it cuts in and out twirling all around as if I’m one of those silly cartoons characters who sees stars appear once they've been hit over the head with something heavy. However this "hit" over the head lacks such simplistic humor and I am more than sure it will take much longer to recover from it.
I am surrounded by help, but I can't even notice anyone else in the room with me. I know they mean well, however I can’t help interpreting the sheer sound of their external voices as a dagger to my skull. It’s making cringe only to fall over in exhaustion. I try to smile because I long to comfort them as they watch things unravel but I can't for long because I need to concentrate. I must try to focus on blocking out all sound so that the it won’t pierce through the now super sensitive drums of my ears. My ears are already too preoccupied with the throbbing sound that resonates from within as they seem to follows my heart’s rhythm. Yet there is one voice that I am able to tolerate in the midst of it all one sound that doesn't need any blocking. The beautiful voice of the Holy Spirit creating a barrier for me in the thick of the pain.
Somehow through it all I am reminded from His intervention that this physical attack can't steal the internal joy that I have. No, no, no… the pain hasn't driven me crazed…I don’t literally hear Him speaking, but just knowing that he does speak to My Father on my behalf brings me comfort through this horrific trial.He reminds me this too will pass.He is a gift God’s dear son Jesus sent to be with me as I live in this flesh.
That's when I feel the warmth of God’s love. The Father's caress through my tears helping me hang on just long enough to realize I've made it through the war. There may be another battle coming and another attack being pursued against my flesh, but I don't fear and I’m truly happy, at peace even. I've been guaranteed a victory that has the greatest reward of all, and so I lift my eyes to the Heavens and marvel at His love. Nothing this flesh offers will stop me from praising His name. Thank you Daddy for you always presenting forth your Love.
Isaiah 40: 26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Friday, February 4, 2011
God's plan not our own.....
Yikes! I haven’t written in months. So much has been going on I just haven’t had the opportunity to put thought to pen tip. As always my hope is that by my sharing my life’s journey at least one person will be able to walk away feeling a little less isolated through their trials. Not because anything I have to share is of value, but rather because God in His greatness has created us in such away that those trial can connect us, if we allow them to. They can also teach us to lean that much harder on His power and not our own.
So bottom line is my health is still stinky. I actually had to stop a part time teaching position I had picked up to supplement our income because I had new complications. That was frustrating, but you have to see the good in every roadblock. I truly believe that God directs our steps and so we yielded to Him in this area. I’m not sure what the tomorrow will bring, but there wasn’t going to be much of one if I kept running myself down the way I was doing. It's less stressful to just stay here in the today knowing God is the one working.
I’m learning more and more that it's really about remembering whom the plan belongs to. Not that this is a new epiphany but I have to give everything over to God for it to truly succeed. For a while I was trying to co-write the plan and that’s just not how it works. I'm not saying we shouldn't be organized or work at everything we can to bring God the glory, but when we start thinking anything we are doing holds any weight to what we accomplish oh we are seriously mistaken. I needed to be reminded of that when more health trials started appearing. I needed to trust and believe anything I do or my husband does, or we do together to support this family is accomplished only thru the Father. And when you literally can't support in a particular way for any particular reason, He still will and can do the accomplishing.
So anyhoo, regardless of how short lived the financial support was on my part it was nice having the opportunity to meet new people and talk about God with them…, which is actually of more value than any check, could provide. So I’m still thankful.
Basically, moving out this way has created a lot of new symptoms. My migraines have escalated to visual disturbances and I am now unable to drive a car whenever they become that severe. I’ve also had a wicked battle with asthma the last several months and boy was I shocked by that. Even though I have had it my whole life it was fairly stabilized for most of my time as an adult and then suddenly it showed back up on my doorstep one brisk autumn’s evening with a vengeance. SO I could only wonder who made my Asthma mad? Man I had forgotten how scary and life threatening this disease is. In general if we are able to wake up each day we really need to count the smaller blessing or the ones we think of less frequently like even being able to breath. Someone asked me recently how has this time been and I said, I’d take my migraine attacks on their own any day, that’s how bad it’s been. That person new it must’ve be taxing because they knew my migraines are nothing short of debilitating. However I felt it warranted the description.
I haven’t been hospitalized in years yet the asthma, combined with some terrible BP issues, and my migraines had all put me down swiftly. Lying in that bed with a migraine and feeling like I couldn’t catch any wind inside of me while my pressure raced out of control made me feel complete and utter exhaustion. I felt like I literally could not endure another problem that related to my health and so I became mentally bankrupt at that time from the toll of everything. Good thing is that God never left me. I had such tremendous support from family and friends and more importantly I felt the love of the Lord through his powerful word. I wanted to post a scripture that I’ve been learning to cling to. Despite our trials despite our struggle and disappointments, whether they are physical or financial whether they are emotional or Spiritual if we claim Jesus as Lord, if we obey His gospel through his Death Burial and Resurrection, by repentance and emersion in baptisms water God had this promise for us and so the rest is nothing in comparison of that. (I encourage you to submit your name where you see the word Jacob and Israel appear. It’s amazing to see how personal the scripture becomes when you take it in personally.):
Isaiah 43:1-5
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west
So bottom line is my health is still stinky. I actually had to stop a part time teaching position I had picked up to supplement our income because I had new complications. That was frustrating, but you have to see the good in every roadblock. I truly believe that God directs our steps and so we yielded to Him in this area. I’m not sure what the tomorrow will bring, but there wasn’t going to be much of one if I kept running myself down the way I was doing. It's less stressful to just stay here in the today knowing God is the one working.
I’m learning more and more that it's really about remembering whom the plan belongs to. Not that this is a new epiphany but I have to give everything over to God for it to truly succeed. For a while I was trying to co-write the plan and that’s just not how it works. I'm not saying we shouldn't be organized or work at everything we can to bring God the glory, but when we start thinking anything we are doing holds any weight to what we accomplish oh we are seriously mistaken. I needed to be reminded of that when more health trials started appearing. I needed to trust and believe anything I do or my husband does, or we do together to support this family is accomplished only thru the Father. And when you literally can't support in a particular way for any particular reason, He still will and can do the accomplishing.
So anyhoo, regardless of how short lived the financial support was on my part it was nice having the opportunity to meet new people and talk about God with them…, which is actually of more value than any check, could provide. So I’m still thankful.
Basically, moving out this way has created a lot of new symptoms. My migraines have escalated to visual disturbances and I am now unable to drive a car whenever they become that severe. I’ve also had a wicked battle with asthma the last several months and boy was I shocked by that. Even though I have had it my whole life it was fairly stabilized for most of my time as an adult and then suddenly it showed back up on my doorstep one brisk autumn’s evening with a vengeance. SO I could only wonder who made my Asthma mad? Man I had forgotten how scary and life threatening this disease is. In general if we are able to wake up each day we really need to count the smaller blessing or the ones we think of less frequently like even being able to breath. Someone asked me recently how has this time been and I said, I’d take my migraine attacks on their own any day, that’s how bad it’s been. That person new it must’ve be taxing because they knew my migraines are nothing short of debilitating. However I felt it warranted the description.
I haven’t been hospitalized in years yet the asthma, combined with some terrible BP issues, and my migraines had all put me down swiftly. Lying in that bed with a migraine and feeling like I couldn’t catch any wind inside of me while my pressure raced out of control made me feel complete and utter exhaustion. I felt like I literally could not endure another problem that related to my health and so I became mentally bankrupt at that time from the toll of everything. Good thing is that God never left me. I had such tremendous support from family and friends and more importantly I felt the love of the Lord through his powerful word. I wanted to post a scripture that I’ve been learning to cling to. Despite our trials despite our struggle and disappointments, whether they are physical or financial whether they are emotional or Spiritual if we claim Jesus as Lord, if we obey His gospel through his Death Burial and Resurrection, by repentance and emersion in baptisms water God had this promise for us and so the rest is nothing in comparison of that. (I encourage you to submit your name where you see the word Jacob and Israel appear. It’s amazing to see how personal the scripture becomes when you take it in personally.):
Isaiah 43:1-5
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west
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