Yikes! I haven’t written in months. So much has been going on I just haven’t had the opportunity to put thought to pen tip. As always my hope is that by my sharing my life’s journey at least one person will be able to walk away feeling a little less isolated through their trials. Not because anything I have to share is of value, but rather because God in His greatness has created us in such away that those trial can connect us, if we allow them to. They can also teach us to lean that much harder on His power and not our own.
So bottom line is my health is still stinky. I actually had to stop a part time teaching position I had picked up to supplement our income because I had new complications. That was frustrating, but you have to see the good in every roadblock. I truly believe that God directs our steps and so we yielded to Him in this area. I’m not sure what the tomorrow will bring, but there wasn’t going to be much of one if I kept running myself down the way I was doing. It's less stressful to just stay here in the today knowing God is the one working.
I’m learning more and more that it's really about remembering whom the plan belongs to. Not that this is a new epiphany but I have to give everything over to God for it to truly succeed. For a while I was trying to co-write the plan and that’s just not how it works. I'm not saying we shouldn't be organized or work at everything we can to bring God the glory, but when we start thinking anything we are doing holds any weight to what we accomplish oh we are seriously mistaken. I needed to be reminded of that when more health trials started appearing. I needed to trust and believe anything I do or my husband does, or we do together to support this family is accomplished only thru the Father. And when you literally can't support in a particular way for any particular reason, He still will and can do the accomplishing.
So anyhoo, regardless of how short lived the financial support was on my part it was nice having the opportunity to meet new people and talk about God with them…, which is actually of more value than any check, could provide. So I’m still thankful.
Basically, moving out this way has created a lot of new symptoms. My migraines have escalated to visual disturbances and I am now unable to drive a car whenever they become that severe. I’ve also had a wicked battle with asthma the last several months and boy was I shocked by that. Even though I have had it my whole life it was fairly stabilized for most of my time as an adult and then suddenly it showed back up on my doorstep one brisk autumn’s evening with a vengeance. SO I could only wonder who made my Asthma mad? Man I had forgotten how scary and life threatening this disease is. In general if we are able to wake up each day we really need to count the smaller blessing or the ones we think of less frequently like even being able to breath. Someone asked me recently how has this time been and I said, I’d take my migraine attacks on their own any day, that’s how bad it’s been. That person new it must’ve be taxing because they knew my migraines are nothing short of debilitating. However I felt it warranted the description.
I haven’t been hospitalized in years yet the asthma, combined with some terrible BP issues, and my migraines had all put me down swiftly. Lying in that bed with a migraine and feeling like I couldn’t catch any wind inside of me while my pressure raced out of control made me feel complete and utter exhaustion. I felt like I literally could not endure another problem that related to my health and so I became mentally bankrupt at that time from the toll of everything. Good thing is that God never left me. I had such tremendous support from family and friends and more importantly I felt the love of the Lord through his powerful word. I wanted to post a scripture that I’ve been learning to cling to. Despite our trials despite our struggle and disappointments, whether they are physical or financial whether they are emotional or Spiritual if we claim Jesus as Lord, if we obey His gospel through his Death Burial and Resurrection, by repentance and emersion in baptisms water God had this promise for us and so the rest is nothing in comparison of that. (I encourage you to submit your name where you see the word Jacob and Israel appear. It’s amazing to see how personal the scripture becomes when you take it in personally.):
Isaiah 43:1-5
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
4 Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west
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